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Josh Billings [1818-1885] American

Rank: 101
Comedian, Humorist

Josh Billings was the pen name of 19th-century American humorist Henry Wheeler Shaw. He was a famous humor writer and lecturer in the United States, perhaps second only to Mark Twain, during the latter half of the 19th century.

Funny, Wisdom, Happiness, Intelligence, Learning, Love, Time, Age, Anger, Best, Change, Experience, Family, Fear, Fitness, Forgiveness, Good, Great, Health, Home, Imagination, Life, Marriage, Men, Money, Pet, Power, Smile, Thankful, Travel, Truth, Women

Quote	Tags	Rank
A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.	Love, Pet	101
There are lots of people who mistake their imagination for their memory.	Funny, Imagination	102
Wisdom has never made a bigot, but learning has.	Learning, Wisdom	103
Love looks through a telescope; envy, through a microscope.	Love	104
Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute.	Anger	105
There's a lot of people in this world who spend so much time watching their health that they haven't the time to enjoy it.	Fitness, Health, Time	106
There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together.	Funny, Great, Power	107
It is much easier to repent of sins that we have committed than to repent of those that we intend to commit.		108
There are two kinds of fools: those who can't change their opinions and those who won't.	Change	109
Threescore years and ten is enough; if a man can't suffer all the misery he wants in that time, he must be numb.	Time	110
Men mourn for what they have lost; women for what they ain't got.	Men, Women	111
Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting thing he has got.	Funny	112
Genius ain't anything more than elegant common sense.	Intelligence	113
Laughter is the sensation of feeling good all over and showing it principally in one place.	Good	114
Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can't help but smile on it.	Marriage, Smile	115
I think when the full horror of being fifty hits you, you should stay home and have a good cry.	Age, Home	116
It is not all bad, this getting old, ripening. After the fruit has got its growth it should juice up and mellow. God forbid I should live long enough to ferment and rot and fall to the ground in a squash.		117
There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness.	Forgiveness	118
The wheel that squeaks the loudest is the one that gets the grease.	Wisdom	119
There are two things in life for which we are never truly prepared: twins.		120
Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed.	Funny	121
A puppy plays with every pup he meets, but an old dog has few associates.		122
Life is short, but it's long enough to ruin any man who wants to be ruined.		123
Be kind to your mother-in-law, but pay for her board at some good hotel.		124
Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well.	Life	125
As a general thing, when a woman wears the pants in a family, she has a good right to them.	Family	126
There are some people so addicted to exaggeration that they can't tell the truth without lying.	Truth	201
One of the greatest victories you can gain over someone is to beat him at politeness.		202
There is no greater evidence of superior intelligence than to be surprised at nothing.	Intelligence	203
About the only difference between the poor and the rich, is this, the poor suffer misery, while the rich have to enjoy it.		204
If you ever find happiness by hunting for it, you will find it, as the old woman did her lost spectacles, safe on her own nose all the time.	Happiness	205
Learning sleeps and snores in libraries, but wisdom is everywhere, wide awake, on tiptoe.	Learning, Wisdom	206
A good way I know to find happiness, is to not bore a hole to fit the plug.	Happiness	207
One of the best temporary cures for pride and affectation is seasickness; a man who wants to vomit never puts on airs.		208
Honesty is the rarest wealth anyone can possess, and yet all the honesty in the world ain't lawful tender for a loaf of bread.	Wisdom	209
To bring up a child in the way he should go, travel that way yourself once in a while.	Travel	210
Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there.		211
The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong is to let him have his own way.		212
It is a very delicate job to forgive a man, without lowering him in his own estimation, and yours too.		213
The best time for you to hold your tongue is the time you feel you must say something or bust.	Best	214
Advice is like castor oil, easy enough to give but dreadful uneasy to take.		215
Common sense is instinct, and enough of it is genius.		216
The road to ruin is always in good repair, and the travellers pay the expense of it.		217
Old maids sweeten their tea with scandal.		218
The man whose only pleasure in life is making money, weighs less on the moral scale than an angleworm.		219
Man was created a little lower than the angels and has been getting a little lower ever since.		220
No one can disgrace us but ourselves.		221
Love is said to be blind, but I know some fellows in love who can see twice as much in their sweethearts as I do.		222
Money will buy a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail.	Money	223
The trouble with people is not that they don't know but that they know so much that ain't so.		224
About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal with good judgment.		225
Common sense is the knack of seeing things as they are, and doing things as they ought to be done.		226
Economy is a savings-bank, into which men drop pennies, and get dollars in return.		301
It's not only the most difficult thing to know one's self, but the most inconvenient.		302
Adversity has the same effect on a man that severe training has on the pugilist: it reduces him to his fighting weight.		303
Words are often seen hunting for an idea, but ideas are never seen hunting for words.		304
I have lived in this world just long enough to look carefully the second time into things that I am most certain of the first time.		305
Knowledge is like money: the more he gets, the more he craves.		306
There is nothing so easy to learn as experience and nothing so hard to apply.	Experience	307
Confess your sins to the Lord and you will be forgiven; confess them to man and you will be laughed at.		308
If a man should happen to reach perfection in this world, he would have to die immediately to enjoy himself.		309
Most people when they come to you for advice, come to have their own opinions strengthened, not corrected.		310
The thinner the ice, the more anxious is everyone to see whether it will bear.	Fear	311
It is better to know nothing than to know what ain't so.		312
If there was no faith there would be no living in this world. We could not even eat hash with any safety.		313
Don't ever prophesy; for if you prophesy wrong, nobody will forget it; and if you prophesy right, nobody will remember it.		314
One of the rarest things that a man ever does, is to do the best he can.		315
It ain't often that a man's reputation outlasts his money.		316
Woman's influence is powerful, especially when she wants something.		317
As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand.		318
When a man comes to me for advice, I find out the kind of advice he wants, and I give it to him.		319
I have never known a person to live to be one hundred and be remarkable for anything else.		320
I haven't got as much money as some folks, but I've got as much impudence as any of them, and that's the next thing to money.		321
Remember the poor, it costs nothing.		322
There are people who are always anticipating trouble, and in this way they manage to enjoy many sorrows that never really happen to them.		323
Time is like money, the less we have of it to spare the further we make it go.		324
The best medicine I know for rheumatism is to thank the Lord that it ain't gout.		325
Reason often makes mistakes, but conscience never does.		326
Take all the fools out of this world and there wouldn't be any fun living in it, or profit.		401
Most people repent their sins by thanking God they ain't so wicked as their neighbors.	Thankful	402

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