Guess quote

W. C. Fields [1880-1946] American

Rank: 4
Comedian

William Claude Dukenfield, better known as W. C. Fields, was an American comedian, actor, juggler and writer. Fields' comic persona was a misanthropic and hard-drinking egotist, who remained a sympathetic character despite his snarling contempt for dogs and children.

Food, Funny, Death, Money, Women, Best, Equality, Experience, Home, Hope, Humor, New Year's, Pet, Politics, Smile, Success, Travel, Trust

Quote	Tags	Rank
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.	Success	101
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.		102
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.		103
I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.	Equality	104
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.	Humor, Smile	105
Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.	Food	106
Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.		107
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.		108
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.	Money	109
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.	Food, Funny	110
Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.		111
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.		112
I like children - fried.	Funny	113
Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.		114
Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.		115
It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.		116
You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.	Trust	117
On the whole, I'd rather be in Philidelphia.		118
Never give a sucker an even break.		119
The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.		120
The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.	Best	121
Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?	Death	122
Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.		123
Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.		124
The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.		125
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.		126
Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.	Food, Travel	201
I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.		202
I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.		203
Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to own one.	Women	204
There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.		205
I drink therefore I am.		206
It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.	Money	207
Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.		208
I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.		209
Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.		210
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.		211
I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.		212
Here lies W. C. Fields. I would rather be living in Philadelphia.		213
If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.		214
Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.		215
Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.	Experience	216
Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.		217
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.	Women	218
There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.		219
The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.	Pet	220
Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.		221
When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.	Death, Hope	222
Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.		223
I'd like to see Paris before I die... Philadelphia will do.		224
Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.		225
I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.	Home, New Year's	226
The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.		301
I must have a drink of breakfast.		302
I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything.		303
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.		304
All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.		305
Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.		306
Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.	Politics	307
I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.		308
I never met a kid I liked.		309
I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.		310
If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.	Funny	311
I never vote for anyone. I always vote against.		312

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