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George Burns [1896-1996] American

Rank: 101
Comedian

George Burns was an American comedian, actor, singer, and writer. He was one of the few entertainers whose career successfully spanned vaudeville, radio, film and television.

Age, Funny, Failure, Happiness, Success, Birthday, Family, Future, Good, Money, Work

Quote	Tags	Rank
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.	Family, Funny, Happiness	101
You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.	Age	102
If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it.		103
If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.	Age, Funny	104
Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.	Good, Happiness	105
I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.	Failure, Success	106
Be quick to learn and wise to know.		107
Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.		108
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.	Money, Work	109
The most important thing in acting is honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.		110
I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.	Funny	111
At my age flowers scare me.	Age, Birthday	112
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.		113
When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.	Funny	114
I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate.	Failure, Success	115
It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.		116
Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.		117
I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life.	Future	118
I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides, I can't die now - I'm booked.		119
I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.	Age	120
Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.	Age	121
You've got to be honest; if you can fake that, you've got it made.		122
I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.	Age	123
Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.	Age	124
Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.	Age	125
It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.		126
You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.		201
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.		202
It's good to be here. At 98, it's good to be anywhere.		203
This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two.		204
Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.		205
How can I die? I'm booked.		206
Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that's down can come up.		207
I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.		208
I can't afford to die; I'd lose too much money.		209
I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.		210
I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased to be anywhere.		211
If it's a good script I'll do it. And if it's a bad script, and they pay me enough, I'll do it.		212

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