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Fred Allen [1894-1956] American

Rank: 101
Comedian

John Florence Sullivan, known professionally as Fred Allen, was an American comedian whose absurdist, topically-pointed radio program The Fred Allen Show made him one of the most popular and forward-looking humorists in the Golden Age of American radio.

Funny, Age, Amazing, Business, Dad, Failure, Family, Famous, Fear, God, Graduation, Humor, Religion, Technology, Time, Travel

Quote	Tags	Rank
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.	Funny	101
Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.	Technology	102
I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.	Graduation	103
I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there.	Travel	104
The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.		105
I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin.		106
It is probably not love that makes the world go around, but rather those mutually supportive alliances through which partners recognize their dependence on each other for the achievement of shared and private goals.		107
Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.	Fear, God	108
The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand.	Funny, Time	109
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but who, as a group, can meet and decide that nothing can be done.		110
A conference is a gathering of people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done.		111
A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.		112
California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.	Funny	113
Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too great.		114
An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.	Business	115
I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.	Family	116
The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.	Funny, Religion	117
My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.	Dad	118
I play a musical instrument a little, but only for my own amazement.	Amazing	119
I always have trouble remembering three things: faces, names, and - I can't remember what the third thing is.		120
All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.	Humor	121
I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy.		122
A gentleman is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on.		123
During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk; today we have small men enjoying big talk.		124
We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.	Age	125
If I could get my membership fee back, I'd resign from the human race.		126
Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats; then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.	Failure	201
An actor's popularity is fleeting. His success has the life expectancy of a small boy who is about to look into a gas tank with a lighted match.		202
Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.		203
Committee - a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done.		204
Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.		205
The vice-president of an advertising agency is a bit of executive fungus that forms on a desk that has been exposed to conference.		206
A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.	Famous	207
An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.		208
You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.		209
Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.		210
What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.		211
Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.		212
I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.		213
An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer.		214
Radio is a bag of mediocrity where little men with carbon minds wallow in sluice of their own making.		215
Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.		216
Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.		217
The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.		218
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.		219
Her hat is a creation that will never go out of style; it will just look ridiculous year after year.		220
California is a great place to live if you're an orange.		221
My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.		222
Television is the triumph of machine over people.		223
A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.		224

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