Guess quote

David Sedaris [1956-0] American

Rank: 102
Writer, Humorist

David Raymond Sedaris is an American humorist, comedian, author, and radio contributor. He was publicly recognized in 1992 when National Public Radio broadcast his essay "SantaLand Diaries".

Humor, Birthday, Change, Funny, Morning, Movies

Quote	Tags	Rank
I've been keeping a diary for thirty-three years and write in it every morning. Most of it's just whining, but every so often there'll be something I can use later: a joke, a description, a quote. It's an invaluable aid when it comes to winning arguments. 'That's not what you said on February 3, 1996,' I'll say to someone.	Morning	101
But I don't distinguish between being laughed with, and laughed at. I'll take either.		102
I go to the movies at least five times a week, and after a while everything becomes a blur to me.	Movies	103
It's odd the things that people remember. Parents will arrange a birthday party, certain it will stick in your mind forever. You'll have a nice time, then two years later you'll be like, 'There was a pony there? Really? And a clown with one leg?'	Birthday	104
I guess my guilty pleasure would be listening to the British audio versions of the 'Harry Potter' books.		105
I haven't got the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospective candidates just in case I should ever figure it out.	Change	106
What other people call dark and despairing, I call funny.	Funny	107
I like listening to books as well, as that way you can iron at the same time.		108
People ask me, 'Have you ever considered doing stand-up?' To me it would be less offensive if someone asked me, 'Have you ever considered dental implants?'		109
After a few months in my parents' basement, I took an apartment near the state university, where I discovered both crystal methamphetamine and conceptual art. Either one of these things are dangerous, but in combination they have the potential to destroy entire civilizations.		110
Actually I liked that 'Let the Right One In,' that Swedish vampire movie.		111
I like nonfiction books about people with wretched lives.		112
I always think it's a good policy to like the people who like you.		113
If you read somebody's diary, you get what you deserve.		114
Do I exaggerate? Boy, do I, and I'd do it more if I could get away with it.		115
They were nothing like the French people I had imagined. If anything, they were too kind, too generous and too knowledgable in the fields of plumbing and electricity.		116
I like to reserve the right to write about whatever I like.		117
People ask if I miss it, but they don't understand that American culture is so ubiquitous that there's nothing to miss. I don't see myself moving back. It's not that I hate the United States. I just always thought it would be a shame not to live in a foreign country.		118
I just enjoy lying on the couch and reading a magazine.		119
I've been keeping diaries for 27 years.		120
I started writing one afternoon when I was twenty, and ever since then I have written every day. At first I had to force myself. Then it became part of my identity, and I did it without thinking.		121
I love things made out of animals. It's just so funny to think of someone saying, 'I need a letter opener. I guess I'll have to kill a deer.		122
I love 'Glee.' I cry all the time when I watch 'Glee' because I don't know if it's satire or melodrama and that makes me feel like the writing is aware of itself, and that makes it okay to cry.		123
I just think that the people who say: 'That's not true' when someone tells a story at dinner are the people who didn't get any laughs when they told their story.		124
If I'm riding my bike I just replay the same scenarios over and over in my head, like I haven't had a new mental adventure since high school. So that's what I like about books on tape, so my mind can't wander anywhere.		125
As a foreigner in London, I like that there are so many other foreigners.		126
Lovers of audio books learn to live with compromise.		201
I cry all the time when I watch 'Glee' because I don't know if it's satire or melodrama and that makes me feel like the writing is aware of itself, and that makes it OK to cry.		202
But most good movies have a gun in them.		203
Sometimes with 'The New Yorker,' they have grammar rules that just don't feel right in my mouth.		204
When I look at a lot of older stuff that I've written, I think one sign of amateur humor writing is when you see people trying too hard.	Humor	205
My family isn't really all that different from anyone else's. Well, maybe they're a bit more entertaining.		206
No one writes dialect better than Flannery O'Connor. No one should even try.		207
There are lots of things that happen to me that I don't write about.		208
I love getting attention, just like a child loves it, and it's never worn off. So when people say, oh the book signings go on, why would I shoo away someone who's giving me attention? What part of standing in line for 10 hours to say how much they love you is bad to you?		209
I've never gone on Facebook and am not sure I understand it. The same goes for Twitter. I have someone sending tweets and pretending to be me, but I don't know why.		210
The only real advice you can give anyone is to keep writing.		211
I don't think my life is more interesting than anybody else's.		212
I've always been very upfront about the way I write, and I've always used the tools humorists use, such as exaggeration.		213
When you read comic material and people aren't laughing how do you know they're listening.		214
I sometimes read books on my iPad.		215
I felt uncomfortable calling myself a writer until I started with 'The New Yorker,' and then I was like, 'Okay, now you can call yourself that.'		216
To say that a humorist exaggerates to get big laughs, I don't see how that's big news.		217
The humor section is the last place an author wants to be. They put your stuff next to collections of Cathy cartoons.	Humor	218
I went from having 50 listeners to 50 million listeners.		219
My sister Tiffany told me years ago, 'You can never write about me.' Then she called six months ago and said she wanted to be in a story. She was worried people thought I didn't like her.		220
I like books on tape, and will listen to just about anything.		221
I started writing when I was twenty, and my first book came out seventeen years later.		222
I don't like being left to my own thoughts.		223
I meet people at book signings. My record now, for signing, is ten and a half hours in one sitting.		224
Sometimes I say to myself, 'Oh, I wish I could win a Tony Award', although I'm not that bothered.		225
I don't have email.		226
I think it's important to take chances.		301
I love 'Glee.'		302
I always knew I wanted it to be illustrated.		303
Because I've always been a fairly nervous person.		304
But I'm a humorist. I'm not a reporter, I never pretended to be a reporter.		305
I'm not a reporter but the 'New Yorker' treats everyone like a reporter.		306
I tend to show everything I do to my family, to check they won't be offended.		307
Also, I used to think that one day I might get someone to iron my shirts, but the truth is I really like doing them myself.		308

The script ran 0.003 seconds.