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Robert Orben [1927-0] American

Rank: 101
Entertainer, Writer

Robert Orben is best known as an American professional comedy writer, though he also worked as a speechwriter for Gerald R. Ford and as a magician.

Humor, Health, Parenting, Best, Business, Computers, Failure, Food, Funny, God, Government, Graduation, Home, Morning, Politics, Society, Success, Valentine's Day

Quote	Tags	Rank
A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.	Graduation, Success	101
There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.		102
Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right?	Politics	103
I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.	Home, Parenting	104
To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so.	Computers	105
Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.		106
Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.	Food, Funny, Health	107
Planned obsolescence is not really a new concept. God used it with people.	God	108
I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.	Best, Valentine's Day	109
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.	Business	110
Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.	Morning	111
Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator.		112
Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.		113
A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in.		114
Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.	Society	115
Don't think of it as failure. Think of it as time-released success.	Failure	116
Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected.	Parenting	117
Inflation is the crabgrass in your savings.		118
Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price.		119
Quit worrying about your health. It will go away.	Health	120
Humor starts like a wildfire, but then continues on, smoldering, smoldering for years.	Humor	121
More than ever before, Americans are suffering from back problems: back taxes, back rent, back auto payments.		122
Spring is God's way of saying, 'One more time!'		123
In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative; fight, flee - or laugh.	Humor	124
What bothers me about TV is that it tends to take our minds off our minds.		125
There are days when it takes all you've got just to keep up with the losers.		126
Love is so confusing - you tell a girl she looks great and what's the first thing you do? Turn out the lights!		201
The secret of writing comedy is to know where it's all going, then get ahead of it.		202
Do your kids a favor - don't have any.		203
Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't know which way is down.	Government	204
If you can laugh together, you can work together.		205
With my luck, if I ever invested in General Motors, they'd bust it to Corporal!		206
The chance to be seen as a warm, witty guy is too good an opportunity for a politician to miss.		207
Every speaker has a mouth; An arrangement rather neat. Sometimes it's filled with wisdom. Sometimes it's filled with feet.		208
Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some of the smaller countries are neutral.		209
I remember when humor was gentle pokes. I used to call it 'arm around the shoulder' humor. Now they go for the jugular and they take no prisoners. It's mean, mean stuff.	Humor	210
Happiness is a very small desk and a very big wastebasket.		211
Telling a joke is risk taking. Younger people are more insecure and not willing to put themselves on the line, so a quick one-liner is much safer.		212
President Ford used humor a great deal.	Humor	213

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