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Kevin Nealon [1953-0] American

Rank: 102
Comedian, Actor

Kevin Nealon is an American actor and comedian, best known as a cast member on Saturday Night Live from 1986 to 1995, acting in several of the Happy Madison films, for playing Doug Wilson on the Showtime series Weeds, and providing the voice of the title character, Glenn Martin, on Glenn Martin, DDS.

Car, Funny

Quote	Tags	Rank
I was born in St. Louis; I lived there for three weeks and then my father graduated from St. Louis University, so we all got in the car and split. I don't really remember much. I grew up in Connecticut most of my life and then four years in Germany. My father worked for a helicopter company, so we went over there.	Car	101
I have a severe addiction to 'Angry Birds.' I always tell myself, 'One more game...' But then there's always another and another and another.		102
Don't play dead with a vulture. That's exactly what they want.		103
Every homeless puppy and kitten was born to parents who weren't spayed or neutered. I'm proud to support PETA's work to prevent animal homelessness.		104
When you discover that you are going to have a child, it stirs up memories of your own childhood.		105
I learned how to draw from being bored in school. I would doodle on the margins of my paper.		106
A whole generation of people that didn't know me from 'SNL' recognize me from 'Weeds' now. People recognize me once in a while and appreciate the work. It gets a little embarrassing but it's good. If you work as an accountant, you don't have people coming up to you in the streets saying, 'Hey, great job on tax statements!'		107
A lot of baby boomers are baby bongers.	Funny	108
I became a vegetarian after I became aware of factory farming and slaughterhouses and the torture and inhumane handling of all these animals.		109
When I was very young, I didn't really write my own material. I just memorized other peoples' jokes. Established comics, like Stanley Myron Handelman and people like that. And then, for every comic, you develop your own style after a while.		110
It is a great rush to come up with a joke that gets a good response from the audience. It's gold!		111
Never wear a red t-shirt to Target. I enjoy helping people, but not every two minutes.		112
I grew up watching stand-ups and thought it was so entertaining and unique - you didn't see that as a job description anywhere.		113
Basically, I'm a people pleaser who has a knack for disappointing.		114
You really have to be ambitious and have that drive to really become well known and successful as a standup.		115
If people can't deal with their problems, they numb themselves a little bit.		116
If you want a transcript of tonight's program, get a pen and write down everything I said.		117
I think people really appreciate clever commercials, as do I. I think they're very entertaining. You just have to wade through all the garbage. That's one of the reasons people watch the Super Bowl. A lot of them watch it to see the commercials and not the actual game.		118
What happened was, I always wanted to be a singer/songwriter kind of guy like a James Taylor or Crosby, Stills and Nash type of thing; I went to a lot of coffee houses and used to watch all those guys, but I never had the nerve to get up and do it because singing seems so personal and intimate to me. It was too revealing.		119
I have a wandering eye and a lazy eye so they cancel each other out. It's a push.		120
A novel is too much of a commitment. I tend to peruse Twitter - I check to see if I had any mentions and read the latest messages.		121
Workers insist that they are not disgruntled. They are very gruntled.		122
I am whelmed, and not overly whelmed, just whelmed about a lot of facets in life - just how fragile life is and the different challenges you have in life, phobias about things.		123
I'm probably more of a stand-up comedian than an actor.		124
I do have a place in my heart for animal shelters because the job they have is impossible - so many animals that need to euthanized because don't have homes for them.		125
When I first began doing TV pilots, my expectations were high. I didn't understand that world. So when 'Weeds' took off, I was so happy. Especially as I was just a guest star in the pilot. But once it got picked up, they made me a regular cast member.		126
When I would see my friends with their kids, I was envious that you can use children to get out of just about anything. If you don't feel like going to a dinner party, you could say, 'My kid's sick. I can't make it.' Who's gonna argue with you?		201
Standup really is a young man's game, a single young man's game. Even when I was younger, when I wasn't single, it was hard to be on the road because you go through relationships because your girlfriend kinda got tired of you being gone.		202
Curb Your Enthusiasm, is not so much about Hollywood. It's more about Larry's weaknesses.		203
I'm Kevin Nealon, and that's news to me.		204
The funny thing about commercials to me is that many of them now don't even mention the product until the very end. You don't really know what the commercial is all about. They're kind of like little movies, like shorts, and that's why I think they're so entertaining.		205
When a show has been on for so long, you lose fans, you gain fans. I remember this from 'Saturday Night Live.'		206
I look back at 'Saturday Night Live' and I think, some people didn't like me doing 'Weekend Update.' Who cares? A lot of people did. When you're reaching that many people, you're not going to have everybody like you.		207
As a comedian, you're kind of like a blues musician; you have to live a little bit.		208
I loved working on 'Happy Gilmore' because I love to travel to new places and we got to go to British Columbia. Any Adam Sandler film is fun to work on because it is a reunion of the boys club of guys that have worked together in the past.		209
I really enjoyed working on the 2009 film, 'Aliens in the Attic,' because it was shot in New Zealand and I got to visit there for the first time.		210
I play a lot of sports. I'm not real good at any of them. I'm above adequate.		211
When I began doing stand-up, it took me a long time to get an hour's worth of material together.		212
A special validates you as a stand-up by documenting your material.		213
I see the love in my child's eyes when he sees me, and I know it's gigantic. As an older person, I've been in love before, and I've loved, but this is really an immense, out-of-control-proportion amount of love that you can't even describe.		214
It's kind of fun when you're playing characters that aren't quite on the up and up and people still like you.		215
As you get older, subconsciously you start thinking about mortality and protecting your offspring. It opens up a whole new avenue of life experiences.		216
I really like to read when I'm eating - 'The New York Times' or the 'Wall Street Journal,' paper version.		217

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