Guess quote

Jay London [0-0] American

Rank: 102
Comedian, Stand-up comic

Jay London is an American stand-up comic, whose one-liner jokes made him a favorite on NBC's Last Comic Standing. Although he did not win either of the two seasons in which he appeared, his humble personality and clean comedy made him a favorite among the show's fans.

Funny, Dad, Dating, Medical, Morning

Quote	Tags	Rank
It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes.	Funny	101
At Motel 6 in Amish Country I wonder if they leave the light on for you?		102
My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings.	Funny	103
I don't need to worry about identity theft because no one wants to be me.		104
After all these years I had the privilege of naming my private part, cause we have nicknames. So I named my private part pride... it's not much but at least I have my pride.		105
I recorded my hair this morning, tonight I'm watching the highlights.	Funny, Morning	106
I saw a stationery store move.	Funny	107
They asked me what I thought about euthanasia. I said I'm more concerned about the adults.		108
I told my therapist I was having nightmares about nuclear explosions. He said don't worry it's not the end of the world.		109
My whole family is lactose intolerant and when we take pictures we can't say cheese.		110
I wanted to take up music, so my father bought me a blunt instrument. He told me to knock myself out.	Dad	111
I'm on performance enhancing drugs, so I may cause drowsiness.		112
I model irregular clothing.		113
I went to the doctor and he said I had acute appendicitis, and I said compared to who?	Medical	114
My girlfriend bought me a down jacket, she said it fit my personality.	Dating	115
I went out with a promiscuous impressionist - she did everybody.		116
I'm convinced my cockroaches have military training, I set off a roach bomb - they diffused it.		117
My girlfriend has crabs, I bought her fishnet stockings.		118
A window of opportunity for me usually involves a rock.		119
You know what burns me? Matches.		120
I was lonely driving here tonight so I hugged the road.		121
I once dated a weather girl, we talked up a storm.		122
I went to a record store and asked for 50 cent. They kicked me out for pan-handling.		123
I went to the store and bought lady fingers, when I got home I noticed one of the fingers was missing so I went back to the store and the manager was nice enough to give me the finger.		124
I saw a sign it said left lane closed so I went someplace else.		125
Do you know it was a year a ago today?		126
My boss told me to get my butt in gear. I told him I was shiftless.		201
I wanted to join the Army the sign said 'Be All That You Can Be', they told me it wasn't enough.		202
People read me but they don't subscribe.		203
I was going to buy a book on hair loss, but the pages kept falling out.		204
I went to a urologist - he told me I could go at any time.		205
Does anybody know what I'm doing up here?		206
I was born nine months premature.		207
A guy gave me a job at an information booth - no questions asked.		208
Did you know that today will never be tomorrow.		209

The script ran 0.005 seconds.