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Joe E. Lewis [0-0] American

Rank: 101
Comedian

Joe E. Lewis, born Joseph Klewan in New York City, was an American comedian and singer.

Funny, Diet, Sports

Quote	Tags	Rank
I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.	Funny	101
I always wake up at the crack of ice.		102
I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.	Sports	103
You only live once - but if you work it right, once is enough.		104
I've been on such a losing streak that if I had been around I would have taken General Custer and given points.		105
The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love.	Funny	106
They had me on the operating table all day. They looked into my stomach, my gall bladder, they examined everything inside of me. Know what they decided? I need glasses.		107
It pays to get drunk with the best people.		108
A man is never drunk if he can lay on the floor without holding on.		109
There's only one thing money won't buy, and that is poverty.		110
Show me a friend in need and I'll show you a pest.		111
Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my Scotch, I say I'm thirsty, not dirty.		112
It doesn't matter whether you are rich or poor - as long as you've got money.		113
Adlai Stevenson has a genius for saying the right thing, at the right time, to the wrong people.		114
I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster.	Diet	115
Show me a man with both feet on the ground and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants on.		116
I'm still chasing girls. I don't remember what for, but I'm still chasing them.		117
I don't like money actually, but it quiets the nerves.		118
You are only young once, and if you work it right, once is enough.		119
If you want to make a dangerous man your friend, let him do you a favor.		120
I don't drink any more than the man next to me, and the man next to me is Dean Martin.		121
I drink to forget I drink.		122
I would take a bomb, but I can't stand the noise.		123
Show me a man with very little money and I will show you a bum.		124
We can afford almost any mistake once.		125

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