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Penn Jillette [1955-0] American

Rank: 101
Entertainer, Magician

Penn Fraser Jillette is an American magician, juggler, comedian, musician, inventor, actor, and best-selling author known for his work with fellow magician Teller as half of the team Penn & Teller.

Religion, Amazing, Respect, Car, Chance, Computers, Failure, Hope, Truth, Best, Faith, Famous, Fear, Food, Freedom, Government, Health, History, Intelligence, Knowledge, Legal, Money, Movies, Music, Power, Relationship, Space, Sports, Technology, Trust

Quote	Tags	Rank
Behaving morally because of a hope of reward or a fear of punishment is not morality. Morality is not bribery or threats. Religion is bribery and threats. Humans have morality. We don't need religion.	Fear, Hope, Religion	101
If I had to imagine omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent power in the universe that chose to make my mother suffer, I don't know how I would make that make sense in the universe.	Power	102
Freedom means the freedom to be stupid, and that's what I want.	Freedom	103
I don't believe the majority always knows what's best for everyone.	Best	104
When you're watching Psycho, there' s that moment when you have a visceral reaction to watching someone being stabbed. And then you have the intellectual revelation that you're not, and that's where the celebration comes in.		105
The secret truth of 'Celebrity Apprentice' is that it isn't very hard... 'Celebrity Apprentice' is easy like junior high is easy. All the arithmetic, the creative writing and the history are super simple, but like junior high, you do that easy work surrounded by people who are full-tilt, hormone-raging bug nutty.	History, Truth	106
I think voting for the lesser of two evils in game theory always leads to more evil.		107
There is this tremendous amount of arrogance and hubris, where somebody can look at something for five minutes and dismiss it. Whether you talk about gaming or 20th century classical music, you can't do it in five minutes. You can't listen to 'The Rite of Spring' once and understand what Stravinsky was all about.	Music	108
I intend to do the Penn & Teller show until they pry my cheesy magic wand from my cold dead fingers.		109
I'm always surprised when the corporate world does stupid things, because they're often not very stupid in hindsight.		110
One of the things that Teller and I are obsessed with, one of the reasons that we're in magic, is the difference between fantasy and reality. That is the subject that, if you have a brain in your head, is always dealt with in magic. The smarter the tricks you're doing, the more that' s an important thing.		111
Don't waste too much time wishing, hoping, and being envious; it'll make you bugnutty.		112
Democracy without respect for individual rights sucks. It's just ganging up against the weird kid, and I'm always the weird kid.	Respect	113
Poker has the feeling of a sport, but you don't have to do push-ups.	Sports	114
If you spend a lot of time lying to people, you think a lot about what the truth means.	Truth	115
Direct confrontation, direct conversation is real respect. And it's amazing how many people get that.	Amazing, Respect	116
If you like the stuff I do, my chances of liking you go up.	Chance	117
You have to be careful as a libertarian because you can sound very Republican.		118
It's amazing to me how many people think that voting to have the government give poor people money is compassion. Helping poor and suffering people yourself is compassion. Voting for our government to use guns to give money to help poor and suffering people is immoral, self-righteous, bullying laziness.	Amazing, Government, Money	119
Religion cannot and should not be replaced by atheism. Religion needs to go away and not be replaced by anything. Atheism is not a religion. It's the absence of religion, and that's a wonderful thing.	Religion	120
You have two choices with Obama. You either believe that he is a man of Christ... or you think he's a liar. And I'm surprised by the number of atheist free thinkers that support Obama, and their argument is essentially, 'He's lying about being religious 'cause you have to do that to get elected.' It's a horrible reason to like somebody.		121
From 1985 to 1994, I lived in Manhattan in a big old loft right off Times Square. I could walk to work, which was in a couple of Broadway theaters, to Howard Stern's studio, and to 30 Rock for 'Letterman' and 'SNL.' Even in New York, walking to work is homey and folksy, like living in a small town.		122
Bacon is so good by itself that to put it in any other food is an admission of failure. You're basically saying, 'I can't make this other food taste good, so I'll throw in bacon.'	Failure, Food	123
When 9/11 hit, the second thing I said to myself was, 'This really is what religious people do.' Those people flying the plane were very good, very pious, truly faithful believers. There's no other way to paint them. Of course, they are extremists by definition, but they certainly aren't going against Islam in any real way.		124
I love when violent, dangerous art is done by people who are not violent and dangerous. I love that when George Romero was making 'Dawn of the Dead,' he was coaching his son's little league team.		125
I like to read in the dark. I like to go into the bathtub, turn out all the lights, and in the dark, read my books.		126
I like movies that are scary, but I don't want them to be dirt dumb. I want a movie that gets my blood racing, makes me laugh, but also gives me something to think about, with maybe a little sexy thrown in. Hollywood doesn't make movies like that.	Movies	201
'Psycho' is fascinating philosophically, because the point of 'Psycho' is that everything that's bad happens because of love.		202
I've voted Libertarian as long as I can remember, but I don't really remember much before the Clintons and the Bushes. Those clans made a lot of us bugnutty.		203
A lot of people, to attack an outspoken atheist, one of the things they'll do is say, 'You are as bad as the fundamentalist Christians.' And my answer is always, 'I hope so.'	Hope	204
But it's much more exciting to make Die Hard. One of the reasons that I think that movie is so successful is it deals with those very important blue-collar relationship themes. But it's more visually beautiful to show things blowing up. It just gives you more on the screen.	Relationship	205
You have in Vegas the most heterogeneous audience you're gonna get anywhere in the country. In Boston, Chicago, Miami, you know who goes to the theater. In Vegas, you have people who only see one theater show a year, and it's in Vegas.		206
It's only the losers named 'Dave' that think having an unusual name is bad, and who cares what they think? They're named 'Dave.'		207
My hair is way, way long. I've hitchhiked across the country a zillion times. I've ridden in every car. I was never a hippie. It takes more than long hair.	Car	208
Religion is often just tribalism: pride in a group one was born into, a group that is often believed to have 'God' on its side.	Religion	209
I don't want anyone as president who promises to take care of me. I may be stupid, but I want a chance to try to be a grown-up and take care of my family.	Chance	210
I'm an amazing mama's boy.	Amazing	211
My tolerance for crazy people is, I think, high a tolerance as you're ever going to find. I love being around David Allen Coe. I would have loved to hang out with Tiny Tim. I can listen to Sun Ra on a tape-recording rant.		212
The highest ideals are human intelligence, creativity and love. Respect these above all.	Intelligence, Respect	213
The only place we were really told to tone it down - where other people would use the word censorship, but I wouldn't - was when we did MTV right after the Beavis and Butt-head thing.		214
One of the things that Teller and I are obsessed with, one of the reasons that we're in magic, is the difference between fantasy and reality.		215
'Moxie' is a name that was created by an American for the first national soft drink and then went on to mean chutzpah, and that's nice.		216
Tolerance is you saying something crazy and me smiling and saying, 'That's nice.'		217
I'm not misunderstood. I am brash. I make my living being brash.		218
When you look at the actual numbers, the number of people who died after 9/11 was greater than the number of people who died in 9/11, even if you are talking Americans. But you know, I don't like to talk Americans. I want to talk everybody. More innocent people died after 9/11 because of 9/11 than died in 9/11.		219
When I was 15, 16, 17 years old, I spent five hours a day juggling, and I probably spent six hours a day seriously listening to music. And if I were 16 now, I would put that time into playing video games.		220
I don't think I'm made of the right stuff to be a politician. I think I'm made to be a loose cannon.		221
People still seem to think that they should vote themselves money. They seem to think there is stuff which they think is the government's job, when it's really the individual's job.		222
Religion is faith. Faith is belief without evidence. Belief without evidence cannot be shared. Faith is a feeling. Love is also a feeling, but love makes no universal claims. Love is pure.	Faith, Religion	223
Juggling is very, very straightforward; very, very black and white; you're manipulating objects, not people. And that's always appealed to me.		224
The most important part of life is work, it's the flow, it's getting stuff done, feeling like you're doing something.		225
I'm a big fan of gospel music, and you cannot be a fan of rock and roll, you cannot be a fan of country western music, and you can't really be a fan of jazz without listening to a lot of music that's religious.		226
Someone who is a good person should have no fear of the government whatsoever.		301
I think one of the things about Donald Trump that's interesting is he lives in a rarified atmosphere where it's possible that he doesn't get enough feedback, enough people rolling their eyes at him. It's a danger more in show business than it is with wealth.		302
The definition of a stupid thing is something that if you do everything right, you still get hurt. Fire-eating and love are stupid things.		303
My body really, really wanted to reproduce when I was 15. It took a lot of civilization, socialization, willpower and some emulsion polymerization technology for me not to reproduce at 15.	Technology	304
A lot of older parents worry about being older parents. I hear people say, 'I don't want to be too old to play baseball with my son.' They worry that their kids will be embarrassed by their parents' age.		305
I'm a hardcore libertarian - I want everything legal - but I also believe that you have the right to free association.	Legal	306
I am a huge fan of proselytizing. I am a huge fan of speaking your mind. The only way we can share the universe... is by talking very strongly about what we believe.		307
I like things matching. I have an upright bass, a drum kit and a grand piano that's the same color. I tend to overthink things.		308
I'm very happy being big and effeminate.		309
We celebrities are desperate pigs.		310
'Celebrity Apprentice' has more integrity and is the most straightforward show I've ever seen.		311
I love the idea that horror and fear is a celebration of health and life.	Health	312
Every day, TV, newspapers, and the Internet bombard us with a message that we're destroying the earth. Ice caps are melting, rivers are dying, polar bears are drowning, and trees are doing something.		313
Barack Obama is way smarter than Bush - so way, way smarter than me. Obama is way more charismatic than me.		314
Counterintuitive actions prove we can trust real knowledge and do the opposite of what we feel makes sense.	Knowledge, Trust	315
Every nut who kills people has a Bible lying around.		316
When I was a kid, politicians wanted to avoid talking about religion if they could. John F. Kennedy couldn't duck the issue, being Catholic and all. So how did he address it? By reminding Americans that religion shouldn't be an issue, that he was concentrating on big things like poverty and hunger and leading the space race.	Religion, Space	317
One thing you learn doing magic tricks for a living is how close every performance of every magic trick is to disaster. There are no robust magic tricks. They're all hanging from a thread - sometimes literally.		318
Having a Hummer is stupid. It's stupid to waste that much gas. It's stupid to waste that much money on gas. It's stupid to parade your insecurities on public roads. Hummers are stupid-looking.		319
When I buy Windows 98, I'm not only buying something useful, I'm giving money to Bill Gates, which is a really good thing.		320
The pure unadulterated disgust of Washington seems to me to be a really good thing.		321
I have no evidence that libertarianism leads to a better life. I just think it is morally right.		322
The medium is not the message - the message is the message.		323
The First Amendment says nothing about your getting paid for saying anything. It just says you can say it. I don't believe that if a corporation pulls all the money out of you or a network pulls their money away or you get fired, you're being censored.		324
Before you can read, you know the difference between a story and reality. And, of course, by the time you're old enough to do any real damage with an Uzi, you've learned that difference.		325
I was always a little embarrassed when there was an act on television that requires a great deal of skill but is a little goofy, and the host comes over and acts like the person doing this skill is some sort of fool for having learned to do something that's very, very difficult.		326
If there are two things Penn & Teller stand for, it's the truth & lying, although not necessarily in that order.		401
Modern American magic, late 20th century magic, is tremendously disrespectful of the audience.		402
Performers have the right to say what they want to, and anyone paying money has the right to accept or reject the art and entertainment that's available.		403
I believe in individual rights so much that I don't like any sort of 'what's good for the cause'-type questions.		404
If you want to turn out an atheist child, unconditional love constantly is a good way to do it.		405
It is really funny to see people that you know acting unpleasantly just because there are TV cameras on.		406
To drive a car in rural America is freedom. Before I had a car, I'd never seen a rock and roll show, I'd never seen a comic or a show.	Car	407
I never wanted to be a magician. I never wanted to be a comedian. I never wanted to be onstage.		408
I have a very specific definition of censorship. Censorship must be done by the government or it's not censorship.		409
I don't believe in vengeance. Really, when all is said and done, I probably don't believe in punishment.		410
The vast majority of people who have mental illness problems never hurt anybody.		411
Once you have somebody that is telling you, 'We are interpreting God for you,' it seems like you either agree or you don't. You either say, like Martin Luther, 'I'm going to have a direct relationship with the word of God,' or I'm going to go through a conduit of God on Earth,' which would be the Pope.		412
Even if I disagree with Obama on many, many things, he is certainly qualified to be president. He is certainly competent to be president.		413
I believe the fast track to atheism is reading the Bible. I've read it three times all the way through. It's a big part of our culture, a big part of our history. I don't just read things I agree with.		414
If you don't pay your taxes and you don't answer the warrant and you don't go to court, eventually someone will pull a gun. Eventually someone with a gun will show up. I want everything the government does to be done, I just want it to be done voluntarily.		415
My parents were teetotalers and my grandparents were - it's all the way back. It's New English puritanical tradition.		416
The Tea Party claims to want small government.		417
Believing there's no God means I can't really be forgiven except by kindness and faulty memories. That's good; it makes me want to be more thoughtful. I have to try to treat people right the first time around.		418
When you tell other people to do stuff they don't know how to do, they tend to freak out.		419
There is no reason for the government to limit political speech.		420
I will forever stick up for Catholics and Christians in general. With a small number of very horrible exceptions, they do play by the rules.		421
There never was a God. 'God is dead' is a halfway measure I won't go with.		422
People like Bill Maher, who brags about being a cynic, it sickens me. I am the least cynical person I know, and I am very, very skeptical.		423
The first thing I said to myself on 9/11 was, 'There go our civil rights.' I found out by comparing notes later that George Carlin and I both said that at the exact same time. That's the first thing that popped into our head.		424
In my run-ins with Christians... I find that they really are good moral people. And we overlap on everything, and they don't seem to be the kind of people that are waiting to hear voices to tell them what to do.		425
I had e-mail in 1984! I had an e-mail address then, which means that all you could write to was Steve Jobs and Bill Gates. There were three of us, writing to each other.		426
The purpose of art is to collide the intellectual and visceral together at the highest speed possible.		501
Every poker player is smarter than me.		502
TV networks are dying. The death throes of religion give us jihads. The death throes of television give us reality shows.		503
I didn't learn fire-eating to conquer my fears. I learned fire-eating because I desperately wanted to be in show business.		504
Whereas you have someone like Houdini, who works really, really hard to get really, really famous, and then has actual intellectual ideas that he puts into the culture that stay there.	Famous	505
The fact is that violence gives you a rush.		506
Teller and I worked Renaissance Festivals and street performing - actually more real, no kidding around, Philadelphia street performing than we did Renaissance Festivals.		507
It wasn't success, because Teller and I, by the time Asparagus Valley got together - within a year, we had achieved all our goals. I mean, our goal was to earn our living doing exactly what we wanted. Which is many people's goal.		508
In my private life, I'm not around any drugs or alcohol.		509
If I go out to dinner with you and you order wine, I leave. I won't be around drugs and alcohol at all.		510
I've never had a drink of alcohol or any drug in my life.		511
I'm a big fan of huge populations of people, so you'd think with 300 million people in the country, you don't even have to please 1% to be phenomenally successful.		512
A joke is a way to say, 'I'm going to do something funny now. If I don't get a laugh at the end, I'm a failure.'	Failure	513
I started out as a juggler, so I know what it means to spend eight hours a day, seven days a week practicing something that people just dismiss with a wave of hand.		514
I think the media spends a lot of time fooling itself.		515
I don't know what's best for other people.		516
I came to magic absolutely hating magic on a very, very deep level.		517
I think people under age 55 come to Vegas with a certain sense of irony.		518
Magic is the Special Olympics of entertainment.		519
No one can tell you the rules of 'Celebrity Apprentice.' No one. Donald Trump just does what he wants, which is mostly pontificating to people who are sucking up to him, while the network people try to manipulate him into making the highest-rated show they can.		520
As much as I disagreed with every second of 'Fahrenheit 9/11,' the fact that it is out made me jump for joy.		521
The vast majority of people who have guns never hurt anybody.		522
The one kind of person I have a lot of trouble understanding is the kind of person that says the existence of God or religion doesn't matter, it's not an important decision. I think it's vitally important; it's what all our lives are based on.		523
I'm always fascinated by the use of the first-person plural talking about sports.		524
I don't want people who are in poverty, in pain, or suffering, to suffer because it's for their own good and they can pull themselves up by their bootstraps. I want to help them. I want us all to help them.		525
For better or worse, in the 21st century, reality shows are the variety show.		526
Everybody is designing magic iPhone apps that do things that are really, really beautiful, but a really important thing about magic is that the gimmick has to be ugly.		601
All David Blaine is is a good-looking magician.		602
I don't speak for all Libertarians any more than Sean Penn speaks for all Democrats.		603
Showbiz is just there to give people something to talk about.		604
We need a president who realizes that there's no government business in show business.		605
Penn & Teller don't know jack about global warming.		606
My love of computers, besides being practical, is very direct and visceral. I love the way things look on the screen.	Computers	607
Building a professional relationship on respect as opposed to affection is a very good idea. Running your art projects the way you'd run a dry-cleaning business is also a really good idea. You shouldn't go into work like you're going on a date, like you're hanging out with friends.		608
Everybody wants clean, safe energy. Some people think nuclear is the way to go. Some people think coal is the way to go. Some people think wind is the way to go. And there's always balances on that.		609
I believe very much that the most damning thing you can say about Muslims is that you're afraid to say anything because they'll hurt you.		610
I do believe that a belief in God is crazy, but that doesn't mean that the people who believe in it are crazy. Those are two different things. Ideas can be stupid and crazy, and the people who hold those ideas are not necessarily stupid and crazy.		611
I grew up as a Christian. I suppose at some level I wanted to believe someone was watching over me.		612
You should think about the world and feel about your heart.		613
I have more contact with people who consume, for lack of a better word, my product than any other performers.		614
Mentally ill people come from all belief systems.		615
I've been fired from a situational comedy with a script they wrote specifically for me because of my voice.		616
I get along so much better with fundamentalist Christians than I do with wishy-washy liberals, who want everyone to get along.		617
I'm really happy with all the art that was inspired by religion, and I think I'd be tickled to little tiny pieces if art in the future was inspired by other things.		618
Counterintuitive action makes a fellow feel smart.		619
I hate that not everything ever written is on iBooks. Man, I hate paper.		620
My mom, if you asked her if she was interested in whether or not people gambled, would say no.		621
I will not counter the insanity of the PATRIOT Act with an overblown fear of my rights being taken away.		622
When someone is trying to interpret something for you, they always have an agenda.		623
America was founded on Christians not trusting each other, and they sometimes seemed more willing to reach out to the godless than to someone from another sect.		624
World War II proves there's no God.		625
I love the feeling of shredded wheat. I love healthy bird food with a fun-to-eat feel. Then you spray them with sugar, and I'm there.		626
I was about 12 when I heard my first Lenny Bruce record. He was already dead. But it changed my life and really did change the world.		701
Cars mean nothing to me. I'm not a car guy.		702
The only secret of magic is that I'm willing to work harder on it than you think it's worth.		703
There's no job in show business that's harder than any other job outside show business.		704
Everyone's goals are the same with very small differences. I mean, the goal of a socialist and the goal of a libertarian are exactly the same. The goals are happiness and security and freedom, and you balance those.		705
Computers absolutely changed my life. Before I had a computer, I had never written one thing. Not one thing. I'm a very bad speller and I was embarrassed by that. When I would type, the little mistakes would make me nutty, and I would never edit anything.	Computers	706
We knew that we were kind of odd and creeps, and we wanted to do odd, creepy stuff for people who wanted to see that.		707
We aren't people who believe that just because we're performers our opinions on everything need to be known.		708
The skills that we have are the actual magic skills - not the performing skills. We have to separate those. But the actual skills that make the tricks work, we don't get to use again.		709
Charities are really good. To a certain extent, the ones you pick are arbitrary.		710
Trey Parker did 'Book of Mormon.' It's the best Broadway show I've ever seen. He does 'South Park.' It's wonderful.		711
A two-party system is way too good for those two parties.		712
My whole family is missing that sports gene. I hope I didn't screw that up by marrying a great golfer.		713
If you want to talk about magic, the stuff that blows me away is the stuff that's done close up.		714
Bob Saget is the dirtiest comic who's ever lived. Nobody touches him.		715
Comedy is taken care of by a free market.		716
Poker would have never gotten on TV when we only had three networks.		717
In reality, many people let go of religion later in life.		718
Penn & Teller stopped doing practical jokes, and the reason is we got much too good at it.		719
Technology adds nothing to art.		720
Part of the experience of being entertained is sitting back and plugging into someone else's vision.		721
This is going to sound horrible, but I don't even know how much I make in a year. It must be, you know, a couple of million dollars, a few million. I know it's more money than my dad, a jail guard, made in his lifetime; more money than I'll ever need.		722
I'm totally clean and sober my whole life.		723
For the most part, any serious magic show is not using very much technology newer than theatrical lights.		724
'Zolten' is a common Hungarian name, it's my wife's maiden name and most importantly, it's the name of Dracula's dog.		725
The only difference between Obama and Bush is that Obama is killing more people.		726
Asking someone else to do something immoral is immoral.		801
I'm not bothered by the idea of getting old, or I guess you could say by having arrived at old. I was 10 when my mom turned 55. For 1955, she was a very old mom.		802
If I were trying to avoid embarrassment, I wouldn't have stumbled my way through 'Dancing with the Stars.'		803
The reason I'm an I.B.M.-type guy today is that I really needed a laptop back in 1986, and I just couldn't wait for the Powerbook.		804
There are performers who have built their whole career doing magic on TV and can't really perform live at all - don't really have jobs and skills.		805
I don't question things that go against what I believe very much. But boy, the stuff that I really want to believe, I really question a lot.		806
You can't allow people freedom and then change your mind when the things don't go your way.		807
Obama is a great leader. He can fire people up and get them to do what he wants.		808
I live in Vegas, and I see people by the side of the road with cardboard signs who seem like they might have tried that spending their way out of debt thing.		809
Everybody prefers to see a nut - they're more fascinating.		810
Jay-Z, he knows precisely who he's going for - 14-year-old white suburban girls.		811
I read a lot of books to my children, and they all seem really good. I think people have gotten really good at children's books.		812
I don't want everyone to read anything; I like us all reading different books.		813
Bob Barr is not crazy enough for my taste.		814
I think it's pretty cruel to give a kid a name that others are going to have. I think it's very important to have a unique name within any group you're likely to be in.		815
Tommy Smothers is a hero of mine.		816
I'm totally against straight marriage - even though I'm married. I don't think heterosexual marriage is any of the government's business.		817
You can't believe how pro-gay and pro-freedom-of-speech I am. I'm way out beyond anyone on the Left.		818
We know what racist people look like. They don't deny it. They just don't!		819
Cheerios bring back memories. I actually don't think I ate them much as a kid, though; maybe it's some sort of Jungian memory, I don't know. But they have so much sugar, it's great.		820
I've never revved my car at a light for an attractive woman or an auto-rival, not even as a joke.		821

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