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Ogden Nash - Tin Wedding Whistle
Work rating: Low

Though you know it anyhow 
Listen to me, darling, now, 
Proving what I need not prove 
How I know I love you, love. 
Near and far, near and far, 
I am happy where you are; 
Likewise I have never larnt 
How to be it where you aren`t. 
Far and wide, far and wide, 
I can walk with you beside; 
Furthermore, I tell you what, 
I sit and sulk where you are not. 
Visitors remark my frown 
Where you`re upstairs and I am down, 
Yes, and I`m afraid I pout 
When I`m indoors and you are out; 
But how contentedly I view 
Any room containing you. 
In fact I care not where you be, 
Just as long as it`s with me. 
In all your absences I glimpse 
Fire and flood and trolls and imps. 
Is your train a minute slothful? 
I goad the stationmaster wrothful. 
When with friends to bridge you drive 
I never know if you`re alive, 
And when you linger late in shops 
I long to telephone the cops. 
Yet how worth the waiting for, 
To see you coming through the door. 
Somehow, I can be complacent 
Never but with you adjacent. 
Near and far, near and far, 
I am happy where you are; 
Likewise I have never larnt 
How to be it where you aren`t. 
Then grudge me not my fond endeavor, 
To hold you in my sight forever; 
Let none, not even you, disparage 
Such a valid reason for a marriage.
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