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Robert W Service - The Coward
Work rating: Medium

`Ave you seen Bill`s mug in the Noos to-day?
`E`s gyned the Victoriar Cross, they say;
Little Bill wot would grizzle and run away,
    If you `it `im a swipe on the jawr.
`E`s slaughtered the Kaiser`s men in tons;
`E`s captured one of their quick-fire guns,
And `e `adn`t no practice in killin` `Uns
    Afore `e went off to the war.

Little Bill wot I nussed in `is by-by clothes;
Little Bill wot told me `is childish woes;
`Ow often I`ve tidied `is pore little nose
    Wiv the `em of me pinnyfore.
And now all the papers `is praises ring,
And `e`s been and `e`s shaken the `and of the King
And I sawr `im to-day in the ward, pore thing,
    Where they`re patchin` `im up once more.

And `e says: "Wot d`ye think of it, Lizer Ann?"
And I says: "Well, I can`t make it out, old man;
You`d `ook it as soon as a scrap began,
    When you was a bit of a kid."
And `e whispers: "`Ere, on the quiet, Liz,
They`re makin` too much of the `ole damn biz,
And the papers is printin` me ugly phiz,
    But . . . I`m `anged if I know wot I did.

"Oh, the Captain comes and `e says: `Look `ere!
They`re far too quiet out there: it`s queer.
They`re up to somethin` — `oo`ll volunteer
    To crawl in the dark and see?`
Then I felt me `eart like a `ammer go,
And up jumps a chap and `e says: `Right O!`
But I chips in straight, and I says `Oh no!
    `E`s a missis and kids — take me.`

"And the next I knew I was sneakin` out,
And the oozy corpses was all about,
And I felt so scared I wanted to shout,
    And me skin fair prickled wiv fear;
And I sez: `You coward! You `ad no right
To take on the job of a man this night,`
Yet still I kept creepin` till (`orrid sight!)
    The trench of the `Uns was near.

"It was all so dark, it was all so still;
Yet somethin` pushed me against me will;
`Ow I wanted to turn! Yet I crawled until
    I was seein` a dim light shine.
Then thinks I: `I`ll just go a little bit,
And see wot the doose I can make of it,`
And it seemed to come from the mouth of a pit:
    `Christmas!` sez I, `a mine.`

"Then `ere`s the part wot I can`t explain:
I wanted to make for `ome again,
But somethin` was blazin` inside me brain,
    So I crawled to the trench instead;
Then I saw the bullet `ead of a `Un,
And `e stood by a rapid-firer gun,
And I lifted a rock and I `it `im one,
    And `e dropped like a chunk o` lead.

"Then all the `Uns that was underground,
Comes up with a rush and on with a bound,
And I swings that giddy old Maxim round
    And belts `em solid and square.
You see I was off me chump wiv fear:
`If I`m sellin` me life,` sez I, `it`s dear.`
And the trench was narrow and they was near,
    So I peppered the brutes for fair.

"So I `eld `em back and I yelled wiv fright,
And the boys attacked and we `ad a fight,
And we `captured a section o` trench` that night
    Which we didn`t expect to get;
And they found me there with me Maxim gun,
And I`d laid out a score if I`d laid out one,
And I fainted away when the thing was done,
    And I `aven`t got over it yet."

So that`s the `istory Bill told me.
Of course it`s all on the strict Q. T.;
It wouldn`t do to get out, you see,
    As `e hacted against `is will.
But `e`s convalescin` wiv all `is might,
And `e `opes to be fit for another fight —
Say! Ain`t `e a bit of the real all right?
    Wot`s the matter with Bill!
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