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Robert W Service - Montreal Maree
Work rating: Low

You`ve heard of Belching Billy, likewise known as Windy Bill,
As punk a chunk of Yukon scum as ever robbed a sluice;
A satellite of Soapy Smith, a capper and a shill,
A slimy tribute-taker from the Ladies on the Loose.
But say, you never heard of how he aimed my gore to spill
(That big gorilla gunnin` for a little guy like me,)
A-howlin` like a malamute an` ravin` he would drill
Me full of holes and all because of Montreal Maree.

Now Spike Mahoney`s Bar was stiff with roarin` drunks,
And I was driftin` lonesome-like, scarce knowin` what to do,
So come I joined a poker game and dropped a hundred plunks,
And bein` broke I begged of Spike to take my I.O.U.
Says he: "Me lad, I`ll help ye out, but let me make this clear:
If you you don`t pay by New year`s day your wage I`ll garnishee."
So I was broodin` when I heard a whisper in my ear:
"What ees zee trouble, leetle boy?" said Montreal Maree.

Now dance-hall gels is good and bad, but most is in between;
Yeh, some is scum and some is dumb, and some is just plumb cold;
But of straight-shootin` Dawson dames Maree was rated queen,
As pretty as a pansy, wi` a heart o` Hunker gold.
And so although I didn`t know her more that passin` by,
I told how Spike would seek my Boss, and jobless I would be;
She listened sympathetic like: "Zut! Baby, don`t you cry;
I lend to you zee hundred bucks," said Montreal Maree.

Now though I zippered up my mug somehow the story spread
That I was playin` poker and my banker was Maree;
And when it got to Windy Bill, by Golly, he saw red,
And reachin` for his shootin` iron he started after me.
For he was batty for that babe and tried to fence her in.
And if a guy got in his way, say, he was set to kill;
So fortified with barbwire hooch and wickeder than sin;
"I`ll plug that piker full of lead," exploded Windy Bill.

That night, a hundred smackers saved, with joy I started out
To seek my scented saviour in her cabin on the hill;
But barely had I paid my debt, when suddenly a shout . . .
I peered from out the window, and behold! `twas Windy Bill.
He whooped and swooped and raved and waved his gun as he drew near.
Now he was kickin` in the door, no time was there to flee;
No place to hide: my doom was sealed . . . then sotly in my ear:
"Quick! creep beneez my petticoat," said Montreal Maree.

So pale as death I held my breath below that billowed skirt,
And a she sat I wondered at her voice so calm and clear;
Serene and still she spoke to Bill like he was so much dirt:
"Espèce de skunk! You jus` beeeg drunk. You see no man in here."
Then Bill began to cuss and ran wild shootin` down the hiss,
And all was hushed, and how I wished that bliss could ever be,
When up she rose in dainty pose beside the window sill:
"He spill hees gun, run Baby, run," cried Montreal Maree.

I`ve heard it said that she got wed and made a wonder wife.
I guess she did; that careless kid had mother in her heart.
But anyway I`ll always say she saved my blasted life,
For other girls may come and go, and each may play their part:
But if I live a hundred years I`ll not forget the thrill,
The rapture of that moment when I kissed a dimpled knee,
And safely mocked the murderous menace of Windy Bill,
Snug hid beneath the petticoat of Montreal Maree.
Source
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