---

Paul Laurence Dunbar - The Rivals
Work rating: Low

`TWAS three an` thirty year ago,
I When I was ruther young, you know,
I had my last an` only fight
About a gal one summer night.
`Twas me an` Zekel Johnson; Zeke
`N` me `d be`n spattin` `bout a week,
Each of us tryin` his best to show
That he was Liza Jones`s beau.
We couldn`t neither prove the thing,
Fur she was fur too sharp to fling
One over fur the other one
An` by so doin` stop the fun 
That we chaps didn`t have the sense
To see she got at our expense,
But that`s the way a feller does,
Fur boys is fools an` allus was.
An` when they`s females in the game
I reckon men`s about the same.
Well, Zeke an` me went on that way
An` fussed an` quarrelled day by day;
While Liza, mindin` not the fuss,
Jest kep` a-goin` with both of us,
Tell we pore chaps, that`s Zeke an` me,
Was jest plum mad with jealousy.
Well, fur a time we kep` our places,
An` only showed by frownin` faces
An` looks `at well our meanin` boded
How full o` fight we both was loaded.
At last it come, the thing broke out,
An` this is how it come about.
One night (`t was fair, you`ll all agree)
I got Eliza`s company,
An` leavin` Zekel in the lurch,
Went trottin` off with her to church.
An` jest as we had took our seat 
(Eliza lookin` fair an` sweet),
Why, I jest couldn`t help but grin
When Zekel come a-bouncin` in
As furious as the law allows.
He`d jest be`n up to Liza`s house,
To find her gone, then come to church
To have this end put to his search.
I guess I laffed that meetin` through,
An` not a mortal word I knew
Of what the preacher preached er read
Er what the choir sung er said.
Fur every time I`d turn my head
I couldn`t skeercely help but see
`At Zekel had his eye on me.
An` he `ud sort o` turn an` twist
An` grind his teeth an` shake his fist.
I laughed, fur la! the hull church seen us,
An` knowed that suthin` was between us.
Well, meetin` out, we started hum,
I sorter feelin` what would come.
We`d jest got out, when up stepped Zeke,
An` said, "Scuse me, I`d like to speak
To you a minute." "Cert," said I — 
A-nudgin` Liza on the sly
An` laughin` in my sleeve with glee,
I asked her, please, to pardon me.
We walked away a step er two,
Jest to git out o` Liza`s view,
An` then Zeke said, "I want to know
Ef you think you`re Eliza`s beau,
An` `at I`m goin` to let her go
Hum with sich a chap as you?"
An` I said bold, "You bet I do."
Then Zekel, sneerin`, said `at he
Didn`t want to hender me.
But then he `lowed the gal was his
An` `at he guessed he knowed his biz,
An` wasn`t feared o` all my kin
With all my friends an` chums throwed in.
Some other things he mentioned there
That no born man could no ways bear
Er think o` ca`mly tryin` to stan`
Ef Zeke had be`n the bigges` man
In town, an` not the leanest runt
`At time an` labor ever stunt.
An` so I let my fist go "bim," 
I thought I`d mos` nigh finished him.
But Zekel didn`t take it so.
He jest ducked down an` dodged my blow
An` then come back at me so hard,
I guess I must `a` hurt the yard,
Er spilet the grass plot where I fell,
An` sakes alive it hurt me; well,
It wouldn`t be`n so bad, you see,
But he jest kep` a-hittin` me.
An` I hit back an` kicked an` pawed,
But `t seemed `twas mostly air I clawed,
While Zekel used his science well
A-makin` every motion tell.
He punched an` hit, why, goodness lands,
Seemed like he had a dozen hands.
Well, afterwhile they stopped the fuss,
An` some one kindly parted us.
All beat an` cuffed an` clawed an` scratched,
An` needin` both our faces patched,
Each started hum a different way;
An` what o` Liza, do you say,
Why, Liza — little humbug — dern her,
Why, she`d gone home with Hiram Turner.
Source
The script ran 0.004 seconds.