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Rudyard Kipling - The Married Man
Work rating: Low

The bachelor `e fights for one
  As joyful as can be;
But the married man don`t call it fun,
  Because `e fights for three —
For `Im an` `Er an` It
  (An` Two an` One make Three)
`E wants to finish `is little bit,
  An` e` wants to go `ome to is tea!

The bachelor pokes up `is `ead
  To see if you are gone;
But the married man lies down instead,
  An` waits till the sights come on,
For `im an` `Er an` a hit
  (Direct or recochee)
`E wants to finish `is little bit,
  An` `e wants to go `ome to `is tea.

The bachelor will miss you clear
  To fight another day;
But the married man, `e says "No fear!"
  `E wants you out of the way
Of `Im an` `Er an` It
  (An` `is road to `is farm or the sea),
`E wants to finish `is little bit,
  An` `e wants to go `ome to `is tea.

The bachelor `e fights `is fight
  An` streches out an` snores;
But the married man sits up all night —
  For `e don`t like out-o`-doors.
`E`ll strain an` listen an` peer
  An` give the first alarm—
For the sake o` the breathin` `e`s used to `ear,
  An` the `ead on the thick of `is arm.

The bachelor may risk `is `ide
  To `elp you when you`re downed;
But the married man will wait beside
  Till the ambulance comes round.
`E`ll take your `ome address
  An` all you`ve time to say,
Or if `e sees there`s `ope, `e`ll press
  Your art`ry `alf the day —

For `Im an` `Er an` It
  (An` One from Three leaves Two),
For `e knows you wanted to finish your bit,
  An` `e knows `oo`s wantin` you.
Yes, `Im an` `Er an` It
  (Our `only One in Three),
We`re all of us anxious to finish our bit,
  An` we want to get `ome to our tea!

Yes, It an` `Er an` `Im,
  Which often makes me think
The married man must sink or swim
  An` — `e can`t afford to sink!
Oh, `Im an` It an` `Er
  Since Adam an` Eve began!
So I`d rather fight with the bacheler
  An` be nursed by the married man!
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