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Rudyard Kipling - Loot!
Work rating: Low

If you`ve ever stole a pheasant-egg be`ind the keeper`s back,
 If you`ve ever snigged the washin` from the line,
If you`ve ever crammed a gander in your bloomin` `aversack,
 You will understand this little song o` mine.
But the service rules are `ard, an` from such we are debarred,
 For the same with English morals does not suit.
    (Cornet:  Toot! toot!)
W`y, they call a man a robber if `e stuffs `is marchin` clobber
 With the —
(Chorus)  Loo! loo!  Lulu! lulu!  Loo! loo!  Loot! loot! loot!
               Ow the loot!
               Bloomin` loot!
            That`s the thing to make the boys git up an` shoot!
             It`s the same with dogs an` men,
             If you`d make `em come again
            Clap `em forward with a Loo! loo! Lulu! Loot!
    (ff)  Whoopee!  Tear `im, puppy!  Loo! loo! Lulu!  Loot! loot! loot!
 
If you`ve knocked a nigger edgeways when `e`s thrustin` for your life,
 You must leave `im very careful where `e fell;
An` may thank your stars an` gaiters if you didn`t feel `is knife
 That you ain`t told off to bury `im as well.
Then the sweatin` Tommies wonder as they spade the beggars under
 Why lootin` should be entered as a crime;
So if my song you`ll `ear, I will learn you plain an` clear
 `Ow to pay yourself for fightin` overtime.
(Chorus)  With the loot, . . .
 
Now remember when you`re `acking round a gilded Burma god
 That `is eyes is very often precious stones;
An` if you treat a nigger to a dose o` cleanin`-rod
 `E`s like to show you everything `e owns.
When `e won`t prodooce no more, pour some water on the floor
 Where you `ear it answer `ollow to the boot
    (Cornet:  Toot! toot!) —
When the ground begins to sink, shove your baynick down the chink,
 An` you`re sure to touch the —
(Chorus)  Loo! loo!  Lulu!   Loot! loot! loot!
               Ow the loot! . . .
 
When from `ouse to `ouse you`re `unting, you must always work in pairs —
 It `alves the gain, but safer you will find —
For a single man gets bottled on them twisty-wisty stairs,
 An` a woman comes and clobs `im from be`ind.
When you`ve turned `em inside out, an` it seems beyond a doubt
 As if there weren`t enough to dust a flute
    (Cornet:  Toot! toot!) —
Before you sling your `ook, at the `ousetops take a look,
 For it`s underneath the tiles they `ide the loot.
(Chorus)  Ow the loot! . . .
 
You can mostly square a Sergint an` a Quartermaster too,
 If you only take the proper way to go;
I could never keep my pickin`s, but I`ve learned you all I knew —
 An` don`t you never say I told you so.
An` now I`ll bid good-bye, for I`m gettin` rather dry,
 An` I see another tunin` up to toot
    (Cornet:  Toot! toot!) —
So `ere`s good-luck to those that wears the Widow`s clo`es,
 An` the Devil send `em all they want o` loot!
(Chorus)     Yes, the loot,
               Bloomin` loot!
            In the tunic an` the mess-tin an` the boot!
             It`s the same with dogs an` men,
             If you`d make `em come again
   (fff)  Whoop `em forward with a Loo! loo!  Lulu!  Loot! loot! loot!
            Heeya!  Sick `im, puppy!  Loo! loo!  Lulu!  Loot! loot! loot!
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