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Rudyard Kipling - The `Eathen
Work rating: Low

The `eathen in `is blindness bows down to wood an` stone;
`E don`t obey no orders unless they is `is own;
`E keeps `is side-arms awful:  `e leaves `em all about,
An` then comes up the regiment an` pokes the `eathen out.
 
     All along o` dirtiness, all along o` mess,
     All along o` doin` things rather-more-or-less,
     All along of abby-nay, kul, an` hazar-ho, *
     Mind you keep your rifle an` yourself jus` so!
 
* abby-nay:  Not now.  kul:  To-morrow.  hazar-ho:  Wait a bit.
 
The young recruit is `aughty — `e draf`s from Gawd knows where;
They bid `im show `is stockin`s an` lay `is mattress square;
`E calls it bloomin` nonsense — `e doesn`t know no more —
An` then up comes `is Company an` kicks `im round the floor!
 
The young recruit is `ammered — `e takes it very `ard;
`E `angs `is `ead an` mutters — `e sulks about the yard;
`E talks o` "cruel tyrants" `e`ll swing for by-an`-by,
An` the others `ears an` mocks `im, an` the boy goes orf to cry.
 
The young recruit is silly — `e thinks o` suicide;
`E`s lost `is gutter-devil; `e `asn`t got `is pride;
But day by day they kicks `im, which `elps `im on a bit,
Till `e finds `isself one mornin` with a full an` proper kit.
 
     Gettin` clear o` dirtiness, gettin` done with mess,
     Gettin` shut o` doin` things rather-more-or-less;
     Not so fond of abby-nay, kul, nor hazar-ho,
     Learns to keep `is rifle an` `isself jus` so!
 
The young recruit is `appy — `e throws a chest to suit;
You see `im grow mustaches; you `ear `im slap `is boot;
`E learns to drop the "bloodies" from every word `e slings,
An` `e shows an `ealthy brisket when `e strips for bars an` rings.
 
The cruel-tyrant-sergeants they watch `im `arf a year;
They watch `im with `is comrades, they watch `im with `is beer;
They watch `im with the women at the regimental dance,
And the cruel-tyrant-sergeants send `is name along for "Lance".
 
An` now `e`s `arf o` nothin`, an` all a private yet,
`Is room they up an` rags `im to see what they will get;
They rags `im low an` cunnin`, each dirty trick they can,
But `e learns to sweat `is temper an` `e learns to sweat `is man.
 
An`, last, a Colour-Sergeant, as such to be obeyed,
`E schools `is men at cricket, `e tells `em on parade;
They sees `em quick an` `andy, uncommon set an` smart,
An` so `e talks to orficers which `ave the Core at `eart.
 
`E learns to do `is watchin` without it showin` plain;
`E learns to save a dummy, an` shove `im straight again;
`E learns to check a ranker that`s buyin` leave to shirk;
An` `e learns to make men like `im so they`ll learn to like their work.
 
An` when it comes to marchin` he`ll see their socks are right,
An` when it comes to action `e shows `em `ow to sight;
`E knows their ways of thinkin` and just what`s in their mind;
`E knows when they are takin` on an` when they`ve fell be`ind.
 
`E knows each talkin` corpril that leads a squad astray;
`E feels `is innards `eavin`, `is bowels givin` way;
`E sees the blue-white faces all tryin` `ard to grin,
An` `e stands an` waits an` suffers till it`s time to cap `em in.
 
An` now the hugly bullets come peckin` through the dust,
An` no one wants to face `em, but every beggar must;
So, like a man in irons which isn`t glad to go,
They moves `em off by companies uncommon stiff an` slow.
 
Of all `is five years` schoolin` they don`t remember much
Excep` the not retreatin`, the step an` keepin` touch.
It looks like teachin` wasted when they duck an` spread an` `op,
But if `e `adn`t learned `em they`d be all about the shop!
 
An` now it`s "`Oo goes backward?" an` now it`s "`Oo comes on?"
And now it`s "Get the doolies," an` now the captain`s gone;
An` now it`s bloody murder, but all the while they `ear
`Is voice, the same as barrick drill, a-shepherdin` the rear.
 
`E`s just as sick as they are, `is `eart is like to split,
But `e works `em, works `em, works `em till he feels `em take the bit;
The rest is `oldin` steady till the watchful bugles play,
An` `e lifts `em, lifts `em, lifts `em through the charge that wins the day!
 
     The `eathen in `is blindness bows down to wood an` stone;
     `E don`t obey no orders unless they is `is own;
     The `eathen in `is blindness must end where `e began,
     But the backbone of the Army is the non-commissioned man!
 
     Keep away from dirtiness — keep away from mess.
     Don`t get into doin` things rather-more-or-less!
     Let`s ha` done with abby-nay, kul, an` hazar-ho;
     Mind you keep your rifle an` yourself jus` so!
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