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Rudyard Kipling - Soldier An` Sailor Too
Work rating: Low

As I was spittin` into the Ditch aboard o` the Crocodile,
I seed a man on a man-o`-war got up in the Reg`lars` style.
`E was scrapin` the paint from off of `er plates,
  an` I sez to `im, "`Oo are you?"
Sez `e, "I`m a Jolly — `Er Majesty`s Jolly — soldier an` sailor too!"
Now `is work begins by Gawd knows when, and `is work is never through;
`E isn`t one o` the reg`lar Line, nor `e isn`t one of the crew.
`E`s a kind of a giddy harumfrodite — soldier an` sailor too!
 
An` after I met `im all over the world, a-doin` all kinds of things,
Like landin` `isself with a Gatlin` gun to talk to them `eathen kings;
`E sleeps in an `ammick instead of a cot,
  an` `e drills with the deck on a slew,
An` `e sweats like a Jolly — `Er Majesty`s Jolly — soldier an` sailor too!
For there isn`t a job on the top o` the earth the beggar don`t know, nor do —
You can leave `im at night on a bald man`s `ead, to paddle `is own canoe —
`E`s a sort of a bloomin` cosmopolouse — soldier an` sailor too.
 
We`ve fought `em in trooper, we`ve fought `em in dock,
  and drunk with `em in betweens,
When they called us the seasick scull`ry-maids,
  an` we called `em the Ass Marines;
But, when we was down for a double fatigue, from Woolwich to Bernardmyo,
We sent for the Jollies — `Er Majesty`s Jollies — soldier an` sailor too!
They think for `emselves, an` they steal for `emselves,
  and they never ask what`s to do,
But they`re camped an` fed an` they`re up an` fed before our bugle`s blew.
Ho! they ain`t no limpin` procrastitutes — soldier an` sailor too.
 
You may say we are fond of an `arness-cut, or `ootin` in barrick-yards,
Or startin` a Board School mutiny along o` the Onion Guards;
But once in a while we can finish in style for the ends of the earth to view,
The same as the Jollies — `Er Majesty`s Jollies — soldier an` sailor too!
They come of our lot, they was brothers to us;
  they was beggars we`d met an` knew;
Yes, barrin` an inch in the chest an` the arm, they was doubles o` me an` you;
For they weren`t no special chrysanthemums — soldier an` sailor too!
 
To take your chance in the thick of a rush, with firing all about,
Is nothing so bad when you`ve cover to `and, an` leave an` likin` to shout;
But to stand an` be still to the Birken`ead drill
  is a damn tough bullet to chew,
An` they done it, the Jollies — `Er Majesty`s Jollies —
  soldier an` sailor too!
Their work was done when it `adn`t begun; they was younger nor me an` you;
Their choice it was plain between drownin` in `eaps
  an` bein` mopped by the screw,
So they stood an` was still to the Birken`ead drill, soldier an` sailor too!
 
We`re most of us liars, we`re `arf of us thieves,
  an` the rest are as rank as can be,
But once in a while we can finish in style
  (which I `ope it won`t `appen to me).
But it makes you think better o` you an` your friends,
  an` the work you may `ave to do,
When you think o` the sinkin` Victorier`s Jollies — soldier an` sailor too!
Now there isn`t no room for to say ye don`t know —
  they `ave proved it plain and true —
That whether it`s Widow, or whether it`s ship, Victorier`s work is to do,
An` they done it, the Jollies — `Er Majesty`s Jollies —
  soldier an` sailor too!
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