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Rudyard Kipling - The Absent-Minde
Work rating: Medium

When you`ve shouted " Rule Britannia," when you`ve sung " God save the Queen," 
When you`ve finished killing Kruger with your mouth,
Will you kindly drop a shilling in my little tambourine
For a gentleman in khaki ordered South? 
He`s an absent-minded beggar, and his weaknesses are great - 
But we and Paul must take him as we find him - 
He is out on active service, wiping something off a slate 
And he`s left a lot of little things behind him! 
Duke`s son - cook`s son - son of a hundred kings 
(Fifty thousand horse and foot going to Table Bay!) 
Each of `em doing his country`s work
(and who`s to look after their things?)
Pass the hat for your credit`s sake, and pay - pay - pay ! 
There are girls he married secret, asking no permission to, 
For he knew he wouldn`t get it if he did.
There is gas and coals and vittles, and the house-rent falling due, 
And its more than rather likely there’s a kid. 
There are girls he’s walked with casual. They’ll be sorry now he’s gone, 
For an absent-minded beggar they will find him, 
But it ain’t the time for sermons with the winter coming on 
We must help the girl that Tommy’s left behind him! 
Cook`s son - Duke`s son - son of a belted Earl 
Son of a Lambeth publican - it`s all the same to-day ! 
Each of `em doing his country`s work 
(and who`s to look after the girl?)
Pass the hat for your credit`s sake, J1 and pay - pay - pay ! 

There are families by thousands, far too proud to beg or speak,
And they`ll put their sticks and bedding up the spout,
And they`ll live on half o` nothing, paid `em punctual once a week,
`Cause the man that earns the wage is ordered out.
He`s an absent-minded beggar, but he heard his country call,
And his reg`rnent didn`t need to send to find him!
He chucked his job and joined it - so the job before us all 
Is to help the home that Tommy`s left behind him ! 
Duke`s job - cook`s job - gardener, baronet, groom.
Mews or palace or paper-shop, there`s someone gone away!
Each of `em doing his country`s work 
(and who`s to look after the room?)
Pass the hat for your credit`s sake, and pay - pay - pay ! 

Let us manage so as, later, we can look him in the face, 
And tell him - what he`d very much prefer 
That, while he saved the Empire, his employer saved his place,
And his mates (that`s you and me) looked out for her.
He`s an absent-minded beggar and he may forget it all,
But we do not want his kiddies to remind him
That we sent `em to the workhouse while their daddy hammered Paul, 
So we`ll help the homes that Tommy left behind him ! 
Cook`s home - Duke`s home - home of a millionaire,
(Fifty thousand horse and foot going to Table Bay !)
Each of `em doing his country`s work
(and what have you got to spare?)
Pass the hat for your credit`s sake, and pay - pay - pay!
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