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Rudyard Kipling - The Shut-Eye Sentry
Work rating: Low

Sez the Junior Orderly Sergeant
 To the Senior Orderly Man:
"Our Orderly Orf`cer`s ~hokee-mut~,
 You `elp `im all you can.
For the wine was old and the night is cold,
 An` the best we may go wrong,
So, `fore `e gits to the sentry-box,
 You pass the word along."
 
     So it was "Rounds!  What Rounds?" at two of a frosty night,
      `E`s `oldin` on by the sergeant`s sash, but, sentry, shut your eye.
     An` it was "Pass!  All`s well!"  Oh, ain`t `e drippin` tight!
      `E`ll need an affidavit pretty badly by-an`-by.
 
The moon was white on the barricks,
 The road was white an` wide,
An` the Orderly Orf`cer took it all,
 An` the ten-foot ditch beside.
An` the corporal pulled an` the sergeant pushed,
 An` the three they danced along,
But I`d shut my eyes in the sentry-box,
 So I didn`t see nothin` wrong.
 
     Though it was "Rounds!  What Rounds?"  O corporal, `old `im up!
      `E`s usin` `is cap as it shouldn`t be used, but, sentry, shut your eye.
     An` it was "Pass!  All`s well!"  Ho, shun the foamin` cup!
      `E`ll need, etc.
 
`Twas after four in the mornin`;
 We `ad to stop the fun,
An` we sent `im `ome on a bullock-cart,
 With `is belt an` stock undone;
But we sluiced `im down an` we washed `im out,
 An` a first-class job we made,
When we saved `im, smart as a bombardier,
 For six-o`clock parade.
 
     It `ad been "Rounds!  What Rounds?"  Oh, shove `im straight again!
      `E`s usin` `is sword for a bicycle, but, sentry, shut your eye.
     An` it was "Pass!  All`s well!"  `E`s called me "Darlin` Jane"!
      `E`ll need, etc.
 
The drill was long an` `eavy,
 The sky was `ot an` blue,
An` `is eye was wild an` `is `air was wet,
 But `is sergeant pulled `im through.
Our men was good old trusties —
 They`d done it on their `ead;
But you ought to `ave `eard `em markin` time
 To `ide the things `e said!
 
     For it was "Right flank — wheel!" for "`Alt, an` stand at ease!"
      An` "Left extend!" for "Centre close!"  O marker, shut your eye!
     An` it was, "`Ere, sir, `ere! before the Colonel sees!"
      So he needed affidavits pretty badly by-an`-by.
 
There was two-an`-thirty sergeants,
 There was corp`rals forty-one,
There was just nine `undred rank an` file
 To swear to a touch o` sun.
There was me `e`d kissed in the sentry-box,
 As I `ave not told in my song,
But I took my oath, which were Bible truth,
 I `adn`t seen nothin` wrong.
 
There`s them that`s `ot an` `aughty,
 There`s them that`s cold an` `ard,
But there comes a night when the best gets tight,
 And then turns out the Guard.
I`ve seen them `ide their liquor
 In every kind o` way,
But most depends on makin` friends
 With Privit Thomas A.!
 
     When it is "Rounds!  What Rounds?"  `E`s breathin` through `is nose.
      `E`s reelin`, rollin`, roarin` tight, but, sentry, shut your eye.
     An` it is "Pass!  All`s well!"  An` that`s the way it goes:
      We`ll `elp `im for `is mother, an` `e`ll `elp us by-an`-by!
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