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Rudyard Kipling - The Ladies
Work rating: Medium

I`ve taken my fun where I`ve found it;
 I`ve rogued an` I`ve ranged in my time;
I`ve `ad my pickin` o` sweet`earts,
 An` four o` the lot was prime.
One was an `arf-caste widow,
 One was a woman at Prome,
One was the wife of a ~jemadar-sais~,                         [Head-groom.]
 An` one is a girl at `ome.
 
     Now I aren`t no `and with the ladies,
      For, takin` `em all along,
     You never can say till you`ve tried `em,
      An` then you are like to be wrong.
     There`s times when you`ll think that you mightn`t,
      There`s times when you`ll know that you might;
     But the things you will learn from the Yellow an` Brown,
      They`ll `elp you a lot with the White!
 
I was a young un at `Oogli,
 Shy as a girl to begin;
Aggie de Castrer she made me,
 An` Aggie was clever as sin;
Older than me, but my first un —
 More like a mother she were —
Showed me the way to promotion an` pay,
 An` I learned about women from `er!
 
Then I was ordered to Burma,
 Actin` in charge o` Bazar,
An` I got me a tiddy live `eathen
 Through buyin` supplies off `er pa.
Funny an` yellow an` faithful —
 Doll in a teacup she were,
But we lived on the square, like a true-married pair,
 An` I learned about women from `er!
 
Then we was shifted to Neemuch
 (Or I might ha` been keepin` `er now),
An` I took with a shiny she-devil,
 The wife of a nigger at Mhow;
`Taught me the gipsy-folks` ~bolee~;                               [Slang.]
 Kind o` volcano she were,
For she knifed me one night `cause I wished she was white,
 And I learned about women from `er!
 
Then I come `ome in the trooper,
 `Long of a kid o` sixteen —
Girl from a convent at Meerut,
 The straightest I ever `ave seen.
Love at first sight was `er trouble,
 ~She~ didn`t know what it were;
An` I wouldn`t do such, `cause I liked `er too much,
 But — I learned about women from `er!
 
I`ve taken my fun where I`ve found it,
 An` now I must pay for my fun,
For the more you `ave known o` the others
 The less will you settle to one;
An` the end of it`s sittin` and thinkin`,
 An` dreamin` Hell-fires to see;
So be warned by my lot (which I know you will not),
 An` learn about women from me!
 
     What did the Colonel`s Lady think?
      Nobody never knew.
     Somebody asked the Sergeant`s wife,
      ~An`~ she told `em true!
     When you get to a man in the case,
      They`re like as a row of pins —
     For the Colonel`s Lady an` Judy O`Grady
      Are sisters under their skins!
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