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Rudyard Kipling - Fuzzy-Wuzzy
Work rating: Medium

We`ve fought with many men acrost the seas,
  An` some of `em was brave an` some was not:
The Paythan an` the Zulu an` Burmese;
  But the Fuzzy was the finest o` the lot.
We never got a ha`porth`s change of `im:
  `E squatted in the scrub an` `ocked our `orses,
`E cut our sentries up at Sua~kim~,
  An` `e played the cat an` banjo with our forces.
    So `ere`s ~to~ you, Fuzzy-Wuzzy, at your `ome in the Soudan;
    You`re a pore benighted `eathen but a first-class fightin` man;
    We gives you your certificate, an` if you want it signed
    We`ll come an` `ave a romp with you whenever you`re inclined.
 
We took our chanst among the Khyber `ills,
  The Boers knocked us silly at a mile,
The Burman give us Irriwaddy chills,
  An` a Zulu ~impi~ dished us up in style:
But all we ever got from such as they
  Was pop to what the Fuzzy made us swaller;
We `eld our bloomin` own, the papers say,
  But man for man the Fuzzy knocked us `oller.
    Then `ere`s ~to~ you, Fuzzy-Wuzzy, an` the missis and the kid;
    Our orders was to break you, an` of course we went an` did.
    We sloshed you with Martinis, an` it wasn`t `ardly fair;
    But for all the odds agin` you, Fuzzy-Wuz, you broke the square.
 
`E `asn`t got no papers of `is own,
  `E `asn`t got no medals nor rewards,
So we must certify the skill `e`s shown
  In usin` of `is long two-`anded swords:
When `e`s `oppin` in an` out among the bush
  With `is coffin-`eaded shield an` shovel-spear,
An `appy day with Fuzzy on the rush
  Will last an `ealthy Tommy for a year.
    So `ere`s ~to~ you, Fuzzy-Wuzzy, an` your friends which are no more,
    If we `adn`t lost some messmates we would `elp you to deplore;
    But give an` take`s the gospel, an` we`ll call the bargain fair,
    For if you `ave lost more than us, you crumpled up the square!
 
`E rushes at the smoke when we let drive,
  An`, before we know, `e`s `ackin` at our `ead;
`E`s all `ot sand an` ginger when alive,
  An` `e`s generally shammin` when `e`s dead.
`E`s a daisy, `e`s a ducky, `e`s a lamb!
  `E`s a injia-rubber idiot on the spree,
`E`s the on`y thing that doesn`t give a damn
  For a Regiment o` British Infantree!
    So `ere`s ~to~ you, Fuzzy-Wuzzy, at your `ome in the Soudan;
    You`re a pore benighted `eathen but a first-class fightin` man;
    An` `ere`s ~to~ you, Fuzzy-Wuzzy, with your `ayrick `ead of `air —
    You big black boundin` beggar — for you broke a British square!
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