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Edward Dyson - When Tommy Came Marching Home
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Devine came back the other day. 
   We`d planned a great home-comin`. 
No long trombone we had to play, 
   No fine, heroic drummin`. 
With two sticks and a milk-can Borne 
   Put up a martial clatter, 
While Carter blew a bullock-horn 
Says Tom Devine, with healthy scorn; 
   “Gorstruth! what is the matter?” 

We set three colored petticoats 
   From Baker`s chimneys blowin` 
(`Tis not the bravest flag that floats, 
   Yet `twas the finest goin`); 
We cheered our hero all we knew, 
   No song of praise neglectin`, 
To show our pride as he limped through 
He merely spat and snorted, “Who 
   “The deuce are yous expectin`?” 

They lured him to my shop somehow, 
   And sued for news of battle. 
Says Tom: “Who rides the mail track now? 
  Who herdin` Stringer`s cattle?” 
A dint the Turk put in his head. 
   He covers with a ringlet. 
He`d won a medal, so we read. 
“I might `ave `ad it pinched,” he said- 
   “I`ve sewn it in my singlet!” 

Says Cole “But, `struth, you must `ave seen 
   A fearful swag of scrappin`.” 
And Tom agrees “Where men are keen 
   That`s pretty sure to `appen. 
One night a little bloke from Hay 
   Who plugged a Pentridge warder 
Got such a doin` that at day, 
Amazed, they ticked him for a stray 
   Distinguished Service Order. 

“Then Sydney Bob was rather vexed 
   With Green—who`d pinched his braces, 
That was `continued in our next` 
   In half a score of places. 
McCubbin threw his grub at Lea 
   (You know how sticky stew is); 
They fought till neither man could see. 
You talk of fight—Gorstrike me, we 
   Saw stacks of it at Suez!”
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