---

Edward Dyson - How Herman Won The Cross
Work rating: Low

Once in a blue eternity they gave us 
     dabs of rum 
To close the seams `n` keep the flume in 
     liquor-tight condition; 
But, soft `n` sentimental, when the long, cold 
     evenin`s come, 
I`d dream me nibs was dronking` to the height 
     of his ambition, 
With rights of suction over all the breweries 
     there are, 
Where barrels squat, like Brahma gods, in 
     Mother Hardy`s bar. 

I had me fit of longin` on the night the Ger- 
     mans came, 
All breathin` lioke a gas attack. The air 
     was halcholic. 
We smelt `em in the darkness, `n` our rage 
     went up in flame. 
It was envy, squealin` envy, put the ginger 
     in the frolic. 
We shot `em full of spelter, then went over it 
     to spite 
The swines what drunk the liquor that was 
     ours by common right. 

“If this ain`t stopped, `n` quick,” sez we, 
     “there won`t be left a drop 
To celebrate the vict`ry when we capture 
     their position.” 
I`m prowlin` blind, when sharp there comes a 
     fond, familiar plop- 
Swung round a post, a German in a pitiful 
     condition 
Looms over me. He`s sprung a cork, and 
     shales a flask on high, 
`N` sings of beer that touchin` it would make 
     a butcher cry. 

Sez he: “Berloffed kamarid, you haf some 
     drinks mit you.” 
I meant to spike him where he waved, 
     but altered me intention. 
`N` “If you put it thus,” sez I, “I don`t 
     care if I do.” 
We had a drink together. There`s a tem- 
     por`y suspension 
Of hostilities to sample contraband `n` other 
     stuff 
In the enemy`s possession. Which I think 
     he`s had enough. 

That Hun had thirty pockets, `n` he`d stowed 
     a flask in each, 
`N` presently I`m thinkin` I could love him 
     like a brother. 
He`s talkin` fond `n` friendly in outlandish 
     parts of speech. 
“You`re prisoner of war,” I sez; `n` then 
     we had another. 
Ten flasks he pours into his hat, `n` fills it 
     to the brim, 
`N` weeps `n` sez his frau she will be waitin` 
     up for him. 

We drink each other`s health, `n` know no 
     henmity nor fear. 
I see I`ve got to pinch him, but he`s out to 
     do his div. in, 
`N` don`t care if he don`t go home till day- 
     light doth appear. 
Sez he: “I pud you home to bed upside dot 
     `ouse you live in.” 
He shakes his finger in me eye: “Mein friendt, 
     you`re preddy trunk!” 
Then arm in arm through No Man`s land we 
     does a social bunk. 

There`s Fear afoot. Comes more than once 
     the glug of sudden death. 
We`re rockin` fine `n` careless where the 
     rifle fire is breakin`, 
`N` singin` most uproar`ous, in the bomb`s 
     disgustin` breath, 
Of girls, `n` drink, `n` cheerful sprees, `n` 
     `Herman thinks he`s takin` 
A cobber home to somewhere in an subbub 
     damp `n` dim, 
Whereas I know fer certain it is me is takin` 
     him. 

Somehow, sometime, I lands him where he`s 
     safely put to bed. 
I wake nex` day, `n` holy smoke! I`m pri- 
     soner with the German. 
Me mouth is like an ashpan, there`s hot fish- 
     bolts in me head, 
`N` through the barb-wire peerin` is me 
     foreigh cobber `Erman. 
“Ve capdure each lasd nighd,” sez he “you 
     home haf bring me, boss.” 
For bravery in takin` me, he got the Iron 
     Cross!
Source
The script ran 0.001 seconds.