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William Schwenck Gilbert - The Disconcerted
Work rating: Low

A tenor, all singers above
(This doesn`t admit of a question),
Should keep himself quiet,
Attend to his diet,
And carefully nurse his digestion.
But when he is madly in love,
It`s certain to tell on his singing -
You can`t do chromatics
With proper emphatics
When anguish your bosom is wringing!
When distracted with worries in plenty,
And his pulse is a hundred and twenty,
And his fluttering bosom the slave of mistrust is,
A tenor can`t do himself justice.
Now observe - (SINGS A HIGH NOTE) -
You see, I can`t do myself justice!

I could sing, if my fervour were mock,
It`s easy enough if you`re acting,
But when one`s emotion
Is born of devotion,
You mustn`t be over-exacting.
One ought to be firm as a rock
To venture a shake in VIBRATO;
When fervour`s expected,
Keep cool and collected,
Or never attempt AGITATO.
But, of course, when his tongue is of leather,
And his lips appear pasted together,
And his sensitive palate as dry as a crust is,
A tenor can`t do himself justice.
Now observe - (SINGS A CADENCE) -
It`s no use - I can`t do myself justice!
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