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William Schwenck Gilbert - John and Freddy
Work rating: Low

JOHN courted lovely MARY ANN,
So likewise did his brother, FREDDY.
FRED was a very soft young man,
While JOHN, though quick, was most unsteady.

FRED was a graceful kind of youth,
But JOHN was very much the strongest.
"Oh, dance away," said she, "in truth,
I`ll marry him who dances longest."

JOHN tries the maiden`s taste to strike
With gay, grotesque, outrageous dresses,
And dances comically, like
CLODOCHE AND Co., at the Princess`s.

But FREDDY tries another style,
He knows some graceful steps and does `em -
A breathing Poem - Woman`s smile -
A man all poesy and buzzem.

Now FREDDY`S operatic PAS -
Now JOHNNY`S hornpipe seems entrapping:
Now FREDDY`S graceful ENTRECHATS -
Now JOHNNY`S skilful "cellar-flapping."

For many hours - for many days -
For many weeks performed each brother,
For each was active in his ways,
And neither would give in to t`other.

After a month of this, they say
(The maid was getting bored and moody)
A wandering curate passed that way
And talked a lot of goody-goody.

"Oh my," said he, with solemn frown,
"I tremble for each dancing FRATER,
Like unregenerated clown
And harlequin at some the-ayter."

He showed that men, in dancing, do
Both impiously and absurdly,
And proved his proposition true,
With Firstly, Secondly, and Thirdly.

For months both JOHN and FREDDY danced,
The curate`s protests little heeding;
For months the curate`s words enhanced
The sinfulness of their proceeding.

At length they bowed to Nature`s rule -
Their steps grew feeble and unsteady,
Till FREDDY fainted on a stool,
And JOHNNY on the top of FREDDY.

"Decide!" quoth they, "let him be named,
Who henceforth as his wife may rank you."
"I`ve changed my views," the maiden said,
"I only marry curates, thank you!"

Says FREDDY, "Here is goings on!
To bust myself with rage I`m ready."
"I`ll be a curate!" whispers JOHN -
"And I," exclaimed poetic FREDDY.

But while they read for it, these chaps,
The curate booked the maiden bonny -
And when she`s buried him, perhaps,
She`ll marry FREDERICK or JOHNNY.
Source
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