---

William Schwenck Gilbert - The Force of Argument
Work rating: Low

Lord B. was a nobleman bold
Who came of illustrious stocks,
He was thirty or forty years old,
And several feet in his socks.

To Turniptopville-by-the-Sea
This elegant nobleman went,
For that was a borough that he
Was anxious to rep-per-re-sent.

At local assemblies he danced
Until he felt thoroughly ill;
He waltzed, and he galoped, and lanced,
And threaded the mazy quadrille.

The maidens of Turniptopville
Were simple - ingenuous - pure -
And they all worked away with a will
The nobleman`s heart to secure.

Two maidens all others beyond
Endeavoured his cares to dispel -
The one was the lively ANN POND,
The other sad MARY MORELL.

ANN POND had determined to try
And carry the Earl with a rush;
Her principal feature was eye,
Her greatest accomplishment - gush.

And MARY chose this for her play:
Whenever he looked in her eye
She`d blush and turn quickly away,
And flitter, and flutter, and sigh.

It was noticed he constantly sighed
As she worked out the scheme she had planned,
A fact he endeavoured to hide
With his aristocratical hand.

Old POND was a farmer, they say,
And so was old TOMMY MORELL.
In a humble and pottering way
They were doing exceedingly well.

They both of them carried by vote
The Earl was a dangerous man;
So nervously clearing his throat,
One morning old TOMMY began:

"My darter`s no pratty young doll -
I`m a plain-spoken Zommerzet man -
Now what do `ee mean by my POLL,
And what do `ee mean by his ANN?

Said B., "I will give you my bond
I mean them uncommonly well,
Believe me, my excellent POND,
And credit me, worthy MORELL.

"It`s quite indisputable, for
I`ll prove it with singular ease, -
You shall have it in `Barbara` or
`Celarent` - whichever you please.

`You see, when an anchorite bows
To the yoke of intentional sin,
If the state of the country allows,
Homogeny always steps in -

"It`s a highly aesthetical bond,
As any mere ploughboy can tell - "
"Of course," replied puzzled old POND.
"I see," said old TOMMY MORELL.

"Very good, then," continued the lord;
"When it`s fooled to the top of its bent,
With a sweep of a Damocles sword
The web of intention is rent.

"That`s patent to all of us here,
As any mere schoolboy can tell."
POND answered, "Of course it`s quite clear";
And so did that humbug MORELL.

"Its tone`s esoteric in force -
I trust that I make myself clear?"
MORELL only answered, "Of course,"
While POND slowly muttered, "Hear, hear."

"Volition - celestial prize,
Pellucid as porphyry cell -
Is based on a principle wise."
"Quite so," exclaimed POND and MORELL.

"From what I have said you will see
That I couldn`t wed either - in fine,
By Nature`s unchanging decree
YOUR daughters could never be MINE.

"Go home to your pigs and your ricks,
My hands of the matter I`ve rinsed."
So they take up their hats and their sticks, .
And EXEUNT AMBO, convinced.
Source
The script ran 0.006 seconds.