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William Schwenck Gilbert - When I First Put This Uniform On
Work rating: Low

When I first put this uniform on,
I said, as I looked in the glass,
"It`s one to a million
That any civilian
My figure and form will surpass.
Gold lace has a charm for the fair,
And I`ve plenty of that, and to spare,
While a lover`s professions,
When uttered in Hessians,
Are eloquent everywhere!"
A fact that I counted upon,
When I first put this uniform on!

I said, when I first put it on,
"It is plain to the veriest dunce
That every beauty
Will feel it her duty
To yield to its glamour at once.
They will see that I`m freely gold-laced
In a uniform handsome and chaste" -
But the peripatetics
Of long-haired aesthetics,
Are very much more to their taste -
Which I never counted upon
When I first put this uniform on!
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