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William Schwenck Gilbert - The Disagreeable
Work rating: Medium

If you give me your attention, I will tell you what I am:
I`m a genuine philanthropist - all other kinds are sham.
Each little fault of temper and each social defect
In my erring fellow-creatures, I endeavour to correct.
To all their little weaknesses I open people`s eyes,
And little plans to snub the self-sufficient I devise;
I love my fellow-creatures - I do all the good I can -
Yet everybody says I`m such a disagreeable man!
And I can`t think why!

To compliments inflated I`ve a withering reply,
And vanity I always do my best to mortify;
A charitable action I can skilfully dissect;
And interested motives I`m delighted to detect.
I know everybody`s income and what everybody earns,
And I carefully compare it with the income-tax returns;
But to benefit humanity, however much I plan,
Yet everybody says I`m such a disagreeable man!
And I can`t think why!

I`m sure I`m no ascetic; I`m as pleasant as can be;
You`ll always find me ready with a crushing repartee;
I`ve an irritating chuckle, I`ve a celebrated sneer,
I`ve an entertaining snigger, I`ve a fascinating leer;
To everybody`s prejudice I know a thing or two;
I can tell a woman`s age in half a minute - and I do -
But although I try to make myself as pleasant as I can,
Yet everybody says I`m such a disagreeable man!
And I can`t think why!
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