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Thomas Moore - Ode to the Sublime Porte
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Great Sultan, how wise are thy state compositions!
And oh, above all, I admire that Decree,
In which thou command`st, that all she politicians
Shall forthwith be strangled and cast in the sea.

`Tis my fortune to know a lean Benthamite spinster —
A maid, who her faith in old Jeremy puts;
Who talks, with a lisp, of the "last new Westminster,"
And hopes you`re delighted with "Mill upon Gluts";

Who tells you how clever one Mr. Fun-blank is,
How charming his Articles `gainst the Nobility; —
And assures you that even a gentleman`s rank is,
In Jeremy`s school, of no sort of utility.

To see her, ye Gods, a new number perusing —
Art. 1 - "On the Needle`s variations", by Pl—e;
Art. 2 - By her fav`rite Fun-blank - so amusing!
"Dear man! he makes poetry quite a Law case."

Art. 3 -"Upon Fallacies", Jeremy`s own —
(Chief Fallacy being, his hope to find readers); -
Art. 4 - "Upon Honesty", author unkown; —
Art. 5 - (by the young Mr. M—) "Hints to Breeders".

Oh, Sultan, oh, Sultan, though oft for the bag
And the bowstring, like thee, I am tempted to call —
Though drowning`s too good for each blue-stocking hag,
I would bag this she Benthamite first of them all!

And, lest she should ever again lift her head
From the watery bottom, her clack to renew —
As a clog, as a sinker, far better than lead,
I would hang round her neck her own darling Review.
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