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Thomas Moore - Corn and CatholicsThomas Moore - Corn and Catholics
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"What! still those two infernal questions, That with our meals our slumbers mix That spoil our tempers and digestions Eternal Corn and Catholics! Gods! were there ever two such bores? Nothing else talk`d of night or morn Nothing in doors, or out of doors, But endless Catholics and Corn! Never was such a brace of pests While Ministers, still worse than either, Skill`d but in feathering their nests, Plague us with both, and settle neither. So addled in my cranium meet Popery and Corn, that oft I doubt, Whether this year, `twas bonded Wheat Or bonded Papists, they let out. Here, landlords, here, polemics nail you, Arm`d with all rubbish they can rake up; Prices and Texts at once assail you From Daniel these, and those from Jacob. And when you sleep, with head still torn Between the two, their shapes you mix, Till sometimes Catholics seem Corn Then Corn again seems Catholics. Now, Dantzic wheat before you floats Now, Jesuits from California Now, Ceres, link`d with Titus Oats, Comes dancing through the "Porta Cornea." Oft, too, the Corn grows animate, And a whole crop of heads appears, Like Papists, bearding Church and State Themselves, together by the ears! In short, these torments never cease; And oft I wish myself transferr`d off To some far, lonely land of peace, Where Corn or Papists ne`er were heard of. Yes, waft me, Parry, to the Pole, For if my fate is to be chosen `Twixt bores and icebergs on my soul, I`d rather, of the two, be frozen!
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