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Robert Southey - The Surgeon`s WarningRobert Southey - The Surgeon`s Warning
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The Doctor whispered to the Nurse   And the Surgeon knew what he said, And he grew pale at the Doctor`s tale   And trembled in his sick bed. Now fetch me my brethren and fetch them with speed   The Surgeon affrighted said, The Parson and the Undertaker,   Let them hasten or I shall be dead. The Parson and the Undertaker   They hastily came complying, And the Surgeon`s Prentices ran up stairs   When they heard that their master was dying. The Prentices all they entered the room   By one, by two, by three, With a sly grin came Joseph in,   First of the company. The Surgeon swore as they enter`d his door,   `Twas fearful his oaths to hear,-- Now send these scoundrels to the Devil,   For God`s sake my brethren dear. He foam`d at the mouth with the rage he felt   And he wrinkled his black eye-brow, That rascal Joe would be at me I know,   But zounds let him spare me now. Then out they sent the Prentices,   The fit it left him weak, He look`d at his brothers with ghastly eyes,   And faintly struggled to speak. All kinds of carcasses I have cut up,   And the judgment now must be-- But brothers I took care of you,   So pray take care of me! I have made candles of infants fat   The Sextons have been my slaves, I have bottled babes unborn, and dried   Hearts and livers from rifled graves. And my Prentices now will surely come   And carve me bone from bone, And I who have rifled the dead man`s grave   Shall never have rest in my own. Bury me in lead when I am dead,   My brethren I intreat, And see the coffin weigh`d I beg   Lest the Plumber should be a cheat. And let it be solder`d closely down   Strong as strong can be I implore, And put it in a patent coffin,   That I may rise no more. If they carry me off in the patent coffin   Their labour will be in vain, Let the Undertaker see it bought of the maker   Who lives by St. Martin`s lane. And bury me in my brother`s church   For that will safer be, And I implore lock the church door   And pray take care of the key. And all night long let three stout men   The vestry watch within, To each man give a gallon of beer   And a keg of Holland`s gin; Powder and ball and blunder-buss   To save me if he can, And eke five guineas if he shoot   A resurrection man. And let them watch me for three weeks   My wretched corpse to save, For then I think that I may stink   Enough to rest in my grave. The Surgeon laid him down in his bed,   His eyes grew deadly dim, Short came his breath and the struggle of death   Distorted every limb. They put him in lead when he was dead   And shrouded up so neat, And they the leaden coffin weigh   Lest the Plumber should be a cheat. They had it solder`d closely down   And examined it o`er and o`er, And they put it in a patent coffin   That he might rise no more. For to carry him off in a patent coffin   Would they thought be but labour in vain, So the Undertaker saw it bought of the maker   Who lives by St. Martin`s lane. In his brother`s church they buried him   That safer he might be, They lock`d the door and would not trust   The Sexton with the key. And three men in the vestry watch   To save him if they can, And should he come there to shoot they swear   A resurrection man. And the first night by lanthorn light   Thro` the church-yard as they went, A guinea of gold the sexton shewed   That Mister Joseph sent. But conscience was tough, it was not enough   And their honesty never swerved, And they bade him go with Mister Joe   To the Devil as he deserved. So all night long by the vestry fire   They quaff`d their gin and ale, And they did drink as you may think   And told full many a tale. The second night by lanthorn light   Thro` the church-yard as they went, He whisper`d anew and shew`d them two   That Mister Joseph sent. The guineas were bright and attracted their sight   They look`d so heavy and new, And their fingers itch`d as they were bewitch`d   And they knew not what to do. But they waver`d not long for conscience was strong   And they thought they might get more, And they refused the gold, but not   So rudely as before. So all night long by the vestry fire   They quaff`d their gin and ale, And they did drink as you may think   And told full many a tale. The third night as by lanthorn light   Thro` the church-yard they went, He bade them see and shew`d them three   That Mister Joseph sent. They look`d askance with eager glance,   The guineas they shone bright, For the Sexton on the yellow gold   Let fall his lanthorn light. And he look`d sly with his roguish eye   And gave a well-tim`d wink, And they could not stand the sound in his hand   For he made the guineas chink. And conscience late that had such weight,   All in a moment fails, For well they knew that it was true   A dead man told no tales, And they gave all their powder and ball   And took the gold so bright, And they drank their beer and made good cheer,   Till now it was midnight. Then, tho` the key of the church door   Was left with the Parson his brother, It opened at the Sexton`s touch--   Because he had another. And in they go with that villain Joe   To fetch the body by night, And all the church look`d dismally   By his dark lanthorn light. They laid the pick-axe to the stones   And they moved them soon asunder. They shovell`d away the hard-prest clay   And came to the coffin under. They burst the patent coffin first   And they cut thro` the lead, And they laugh`d aloud when they saw the shroud   Because they had got at the dead. And they allowed the Sexton the shroud   And they put the coffin back, And nose and knees they then did squeeze   The Surgeon in a sack. The watchmen as they past along   Full four yards off could smell, And a curse bestowed upon the load   So disagreeable. So they carried the sack a-pick-a-back   And they carv`d him bone from bone, But what became of the Surgeon`s soul   Was never to mortal known.
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