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William Henry Drummond - M`Sieu Smit
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THE ADVENTURES OF AN ENGLISHMAN IN THE CANADIAN WOODS.


Wan morning de walkim boss say "Damase,
  I t`ink you`re good man on canoe d`ecorce,
So I`ll ax you go wit` your frien` Philéas
 An` meet M`sieu` Smit` on Chenail W`ite Horse.

"He`ll have I am sure de grosse baggage--
  Mebbe some valise--mebbe six or t`ree--
But if she`s too moche for de longue portage
  `Poleon he will tak` `em wit` mail buggee."

W`en we reach Chenail, plaintee peep be dere,
  An` wan frien` of me, call Placide Chretien,
`Splain all dat w`en he say man from Angleterre
  Was spik heem de crowd on de "Parisien."

Fonny way dat Englishman he`ll be dress,
  Leetle pant my dear frien` jus` come on knee,
Wit` coat dat`s no coat at all--only ves`
  An` hat--de more stranger I never see!

Wall! dere he sit on de en` some log
  An` swear heem in English purty loud
Den talk Français, w`ile hees chien boule dog
  Go smellim an` smellim aroun` de crowd.

I spik im "Bonjour, M`sieu` Smit`, Bonjour,
  I hope dat yourse`f and famille she`s well?"
M`sieu Smit` he is also say "Bonjour,"
  An` call off hees dog dat`s commence for smell.

I tell heem my name dat`s Damase Labrie
  I am come wit` Philéas for mak` de trip,
An` he say I`m de firs` man he never see
  Spik English encore since he lef` de ship.

He is also ax it to me "Damase,
  De peep she don`t seem understan` Français,
W`at`s matter wit` dat?" An` I say "Becos
  You mak` too much talk on de Parisien."

De groun she is pile wit` baggage--Sapré!  An` I see purty quick we got plaintee troub--
Two tronk, t`ree valise, four-five fusil,
  An` w`at M`sieu Smit` he is call "bat` tubbe."

M`sieu Smit` he`s tole me w`at for`s dat t`ing,
  An` it seem Englishman he don`t feel correc`
Until he`s go plonge on some bat` morning
  An` sponge it hees possibill high hees neck.

Of course dat`s not`ing of my beez-nesse,
  He can plonge on de water mos` ev`ry day,
But I t`ink for mese`f it mak foolishness
  An` don`t do no good w`en your bonne santé.
W`en I tell `Poleon he mus` mak` dat job,
  Dere`s leetle too moche for canoe d`écorce,
He`s mad right away an` say "Sapré diable!
  You t`ink I go work lak wan niggerhorse?

"I`m not manufacture dat way, bâ non,
  Dat rich stranger man he have lot monee,
I go see my frien` Onésime Gourdon,
  An` tole heem bring horse wit` some more buggee."

Wall! affer some w`ile dey`ll arrange all dat,
  `Poleon an` hees frien` Onésime Gourdon,
But w`en `Poleon is tak` hole of bat`,
  He receive it beeg scare immediatement!

Dat chien boule dog, I was tole you `bout,
  I am not understan` w`at good she`s for,
Eat `Poleon`s leg w`it hees teet` an` mout,
  `Poleon he is feel very mad--by Gor!

Of course I am poule heem hees tail toute suite
  But I don`t know some reason mak all dis troub`,
W`en I hear me dat Englishman, M`sieu Smit`
  Say `Poleon, w`at for you took my tubbe?

"Leff `im dere--for I don`t low nobodee
  Walk heem off on any such way lak dat;
You may tak` all de res`, an` I don`t care me--
  But de man he`ll be keel who is tak` my bat`."

"I will carry heem wit` me," say M`sieu Smit`--
  "W`erever dat tubbe she mus` go, I go--
No matter de many place we visite,
  An` my sponge I will tak` mese`f also."

Philéas say "Damase, we mus buil` some raf`
  Or mebbe some feller be sure get drown";
Dis geev me plaisir, but I`m scare mak` laf`,
  So I`ll do it mese`f, inside, way down.

At las` we are start on voyage, sure nuff,
  M`sieu Smit` carry tubbe on de top hees head,
Good job, I t`ink so, de lac isn`t rough,
  Or probably dis tam, we`re all come dead.

De dog go wit` Onésime Gourdon,
  An` Onésime afferwar` say to me,
"Dat chien boule dog is eat `Poleon
  Was de more quiet dog I never see."

But fun she`s commence on very nex` day
  W`en we go camp out on de Castor Noir.
Dat Englishman he`ll come along an` say
  "I hope some wil` Injun she don`t be dere.

"I have hear many tam, dat de wood be foule
  Of Injun w`at tak` off de hair your head.
But so surely my name she`s Johnnie Boule
  If I see me dem feller I shoot it dead."

Philéas den pray harder, more quick he can
  Mebbe he`s t`ink dat`s hees las` portage
De moder hees fader, she`s Injun man
  Derefore an` also, he is wan Sauvage.

I say "Don`t mak` it some excitement;
  Saison she is `close` on de spring an` fall,
An` dem peep dat work on de Gouvernement
  Don`t lak you shoot Injun dis mont` at all."

Nex` day M`sieu Smit` is perform hees plonge
  We see heem go done it--Philéas an` me,
An` w`en he`s hang up bat` tubbe an` sponge
  We go on de wood for mak` Chasse perdrix.

An` mebbe you will not believe to me,
  But w`en we come back on de camp encore
De sponge of dat Englishman don`t be see,
  An` we fin` beeg bear she`s go dead on shore.

Very fonny t`ing how he`s loss hees life,
  But Philéas he`ll know hese`f purty quick,
He cut M`sieu Bear wit` hees hunter knife,
  An` sponge she`s fall out on de bear stummick.

Day affer we get two fox houn` from Boss
  Dat`s good for ketch deer on de fall an` spring,
Den place Englishman w`ere he can`t get los`
  An` tole heem shoot quicker he see somet`ing.

Wat`s dat leetle deer got no horn at all?
  She`ll be moder small wan en suite bimeby,
Don`t remember mese`f w`at name she`s call,
  But dat`s de kin` start w`en de dog is cry.

We see heem come down on de runaway
  De dog she is not very far behin`
An` w`en dey pass place M`sieu Smit` is stay
  We expec` he will shoot or make noise some kin`!

But he`s not shoot at all, mon cher ami,
  So we go an` we ax "Is he see some deer?"
He say "Dat`s long tam I am stay on tree
  But I don`t see not`ing she`s pass on here."

We spik heem once more, "He don`t see fox houn`?"
  W`at you t`ink he is say, dat Englishman?
"Yes, I see dem pass quickly upon de groun`,
  Wan beeg yellow dog, an` two small brown wan."

He`s feel de more bad I don`t see before
  W`en he know dat beeg dog, she`s wan small deer,
An` for mak` ev`ryt`ing correc` encore
  We drink I am sure six bouteilles de bière.

Nex` day--dat`s Dimanche--he is spik to me,
  "Damase, you mus` feel leetle fatigué,You may slep` wit` Philéas w`ile I go an` see
  I can`t get some nice quiet tam to-day."

So for keep `way skeeter, an` fly also
  Bouteille from de shelf M`sieu Smit` he tak`,
Den he start wit` his chien boule dog an` go
  For nice quiet walk on shore of lac.

We don`t slep` half hour w`en dere`s beeg, beeg yell,
  Lak somet`ing I`m sure don`t hear long tam,
An` we see wan feller we cannot tell,
  Till he spik it, "Damase! Philéas!! dam dam!!!"

Den we know it at once, mon cher ami,
  But she`s swell up hees face--hees neck an` han`!
It seem all de skeeter on w`ole contree
  Is jump on de head of dat Englishman.

Some water on poor M`sieu Smit` we`ll t`row,
  An` w`en he`s tranquille fin` out ev`ryt`ing;
Bouteille he`s rub on, got some nice sirop
  I was mak` mese`f on de wood las` spring.

Dere was jus` `noder t`ing he seem for care
  An` den he is feel it more satisfy,
Dat t`ing, my dear frien`, was for keel some bear,
  If he`ll do dat wan tam, he`s prepare for die.

Philéas say he know w`ere some blue berree
  Mak` very good place for de bear have fonne,
So we start nex` day on morning earlee,
  An` M`sieu Smit` go wit` hees elephan` gun.

Wan woman sauvage she is come be dere,
  Mebbe want some blue berree mak` some pie,
Dat` Englishman shoot, he is t`ink she`s bear,
  An` de woman she`s holler, "Mon Dieu, I`m die!"

M`sieu Smit` he don`t do no harm, becos
  He is shake hese`f w`en he shoot dat squaw,
But scare he pay hunder` dollar cos`
  For keel some sauvage on de "close" saison.

T`ree day affer dat, we start out on lac
  For ketch on de water wan Cariboo,
But win` she blow strong, an` we can`t get back
  Till we t`row ourse`f out on dat canoe.

We t`ink M`sieu Smit` he is sure be drown,
  Leetle w`ile we can`t see heem again no more,
An` den he`s come up from de place go down
  An` jomp on hees bat` tubbe an` try go shore.

W`en he`s pass on de bat`, he say "Hooraw!"
  An` commence right away for mak` some sing;
I`m sure you can hear heem ten-twelve arpent
  `Bout "Brittanie, she alway mus` boss somet`ing."

Dat`s all I will tole you jus` now, my frien`;
  I s`pose you don`t know de more fonny case,
But if Englishman go on wood again
  I`ll have more storee w`en you pass my place.
Source
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