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Marriott Edgar - Joe Ramsbottom
Work rating: Medium

Joe Ramshottom rented a bit of a farm 
From its owner, Squire Goslett his name;
And the Gosletts came over with William the First,
And found Ramsbottoms here when they came.

One day Joe were ploughing his three-acre field
When the front of his plough hit a rock,
And on closer inspection o` t` damage he found
As the coulter had snapped wi` the shock.

He`d got a spare coulter at home in his shed, 
But that were some distance away, 
And he reckoned by t` time he had been there and back
He`d have wasted best part of the day.

The accident `appened not far from the place
Where the Squire had his sumptuous abode;
He thought he might borrow a coulter from him,
And save going back all that road.

He were going to ask… but he suddenly stopped, 
And he said " Nay-I`d better not call; 
He might think it cheek I borrowed from him, 
I`d best get my own after all."

He were going off back when he turned to himself
And said "That`s a gormless idea; 
The land you were ploughing belongs to the Squire,
It were `is rock as caused all this `ere!"

This `eartened Joe up, so he set off again,
But he very soon stopped as before, 
And he said `Happen Squire`II have comp`ny to tea,
Nay I`d, better go round to t` back.

Then he answered himself in a manner quite stern
And said "Here`s a nice how-de-do!
You can manage without him when all`s said and done,
And where would he be without you?"

Joe knew this were right and he knew it were just,
But he didn`t seem happy somehow, 
So he said "Well, there`s no harm in paying a call,
And I needn`t say owt about plough."

This suggestion that he were afraid of the Squire
Were most deeply resented by Joe; 
He said "Right! I`ll show you… I`ll go up at once,
At the worst he can only say `No.``

Then he said "After all as I`ve done in the past
He would have a nerve to decline; 
He ought to be thankful to give me his plough, 
Seein`` damage his rock did to mine.

Then he said "Who is he To be puffed up wi` pride,
And behave as if he were King Dick 
He`s only a farmer the same as myself,
As I`ll tell him an` all- Jolly quick."

Then he turned round and looked himself straight in the face,
And he said "What you`re scared of beats me;
Ramsbottoms was landlords when Gosletts was nowt,
And it`s him should be working for thee!"

Then he said "I`m surprised at myself, so I am,
To think I should so condescend 
As to come hat in hand to a feller like `im
And ask if he`s owt he can lend."

This argument brought him to Squire`s front door,
It were open and Squire stood inside; 
He said "Hello, Joe… What brings thee right up here?"
"You`ll know in a tick," Joe replied.

He said "P`raps you think yourself better than me, 
Well, I`m telling you straight that you`re not
And I don`t want your coulter… Your plough-or your farm,
You can-do what you like with the lot."
Source
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