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Marriott Edgar - The Jubilee Sov`reign
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On Jubilee Day the Ramsbottoms
Invited relations to tea, 
Including young Albert`s grandmother- 
An awkward old . . party, was she. 

She`d seen Queen Victoria`s accession
And `er wedding to Albert (the Good) 
But she got quite upset when young Albert 
Asked `er `ow she`d got on in the Flood.

She cast quite a damper on`t party, 
But she warmed up a bit after tea, 
And gave Albert a real golden sovereign 
She`d been saving since last Jubilee. 

It `ad picture of Queen on`t one side 
And a dragon fight on the reverse, 
And it smelled of camphor and cobwebs 
Through being so long in `er purse. 

Albert `andled the coin, and `e kissed it 
And `e felt the rough edge with `is tongue; 
For `e knew by the look of `is father 
That it wouldn`t be `is very long. 

"I`ll show you a trick wi` that sovereign,"
Said Pa, `oo were `overin` near- 
And `e took and pretended to eat it,
Then brought it back out of `is ear. 

This magic filled Albert with wonder, 
And before you could say "Uncle Dick", 
`E`d got the coin back from `is father 
And performed the first part of the trick.

When they all saw where the money `ad gone 
With excitement the relatives burned; 
And each one suggested some process 
For getting the money returned. 

Some were for fishing with tweezers, 
While some were for shaking it out; 
"If we only got back a few shillings," 
They said "`twould be better than nowt." 

They tried `olding Albert `ead downward
And giving `is shoulders a clump- 
`Till his uncle, `oo worked for a chemist 
Said "There`s nowt for it but stomach pump." 

Well, they `adn`t a stomach pump `andy, 
But Pa did the best that `e could 
With a bicycle pump that they borrowed 
But that weren`t nearly so good. 

So off they went to the doctor 
`Oo looked down `is throat with a glass; 
`E said "This`ll mean operation- 
I fear that `e`ll `ave to `ave gas." 

"`Ow much is this `ere goin` to cost me?" 
Said Father, beginning to squirm. 
"I`m afraid that it comes out expensive- 
The best gas is eight pence a therm. 

There`s my time, six shillings an hour; 
You can`t do these things in two ticks- 
By rights I should charge you a guinea, 
But I`ll do it for eighteen and six." 

"Wot, eighteen and six to get sovereign?" 
Said Father, "That doesn`t sound sense 
I`ll tell you, you`d best keep young Albert 
And give us the odd eighteen pence!" 

The doctor concurred this arrangement, 
But to this day he stands in some doubt 
As to whether he`s in eighteen shillings
Or whether he`s eighteen pence out.
Source
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