---

Marriott Edgar - Three Ha`Pence A Foot
Work rating: Medium

I`ll tell you an old-fashioned story 
That Grandfather used to relate, 
Of a joiner and building contractor; 
`Is name, it were Sam Oglethwaite.

In a shop on the banks of the Irwell, 
Old Sam used to follow `is trade, 
In a place you`ll have `eard of, called Bury; 
You know, where black puddings is made.

One day, Sam were filling a knot `ole 
Wi` putty, when in thro` the door 
Came an old feller fair wreathed wi` whiskers; 
T`ould chap said `Good morning, I`m Noah.` 

Sam asked Noah what was `is business, 
And t`ould chap went on to remark, 
That not liking the look of the weather, 
`E were thinking of building an Ark. 

`E`d gotten the wood for the bulwarks, 
And all t`other shipbuilding junk, 
And wanted some nice Bird`s Eye Maple 
To panel the side of `is bunk.

Now Maple were Sam`s Monopoly; 
That means it were all `is to cut, 
And nobody else `adn`t got none; 
So `e asked Noah three ha`pence a foot.

`A ha`penny too much,` replied Noah 
`A Penny a foot`s more the mark; 
A penny a foot, and when t`rain comes, 
I`ll give you a ride in me Ark.` 

But neither would budge in the bargain; 
The whole daft thing were kind of a jam, 
So Sam put `is tongue out at Noah, 
And Noah made `Long Bacon ` at Sam 

In wrath and ill-feeling they parted, 
Not knowing when they`d meet again, 
And Sam had forgot all about it, 
`Til one day it started to rain. 

It rained and it rained for a fortni`t, 
And flooded the `ole countryside. 
It rained and it kept` on raining, 
`Til the Irwell were fifty mile wide.

The `ouses were soon under water, 
And folks to the roof `ad to climb. 
They said `twas the rottenest summer 
That Bury `ad `ad for some time. 

The rain showed no sign of abating, 
And water rose hour by hour, 
`Til the only dry land were at Blackpool, 
And that were on top of the Tower.

So Sam started swimming to Blackpool; 
It took `im best part of a week. 
`Is clothes were wet through when `e got there, 
And `is boots were beginning to leak.

`E stood to `is watch-chain in water, 
On Tower top, just before dark, 
When who should come sailing towards `im 
But old Noah, steering `is Ark.

They stared at each other in silence, 
`Til Ark were alongside, all but, 
Then Noah said: `What price yer Maple?` 
Sam answered `Three ha`pence a foot.`

Noah said `Nay; I`ll make thee an offer, 
The same as I did t`other day. 
A penny a foot and a free ride. 
Now, come on, lad, what does tha say?` 

`Three ha`pence a foot,` came the answer.
So Noah `is sail `ad to hoist, 
And sailed off again in a dudgeon, 
While Sam stood determined, but moist.

Noah cruised around, flying `is pigeons, 
`Til fortieth day of the wet, 
And on `is way back, passing Blackpool, 
`E saw old Sam standing there yet.

`Is chin just stuck out of the water; 
A comical figure `e cut, 
Noah said: `Now what`s the price of yer Maple?` 
Sam answered: `Three ha`pence a foot.` 

Said Noah: `Ye`d best take my offer; 
It`s last time I`ll be hereabout; 
And if water comes half an inch higher, 
I`ll happen get Maple for nowt.` 

`Three ha`pence a foot it`ll cost yer, 
And as fer me,` Sam said, `don`t fret. 
The sky`s took a turn since this morning; 
I think it`ll brighten up yet.`
Source
The script ran 0.002 seconds.