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Marriott Edgar - Gunner Joe
Work rating: Medium

I`ll tell you a seafaring story, 
Of a lad who won honour and fame 
Wi` Nelson at Battle `Trafalgar, 
Joe Moggeridge, that were his name. 

He were one of the crew of the Victory, 
His job when a battle begun 
Was to take cannon balls out o` basket 
And shove `em down front end o` gun. 

One day him and Nelson were boxing, 
The compass, like sailor lads do. 
When `Ardy comes up wi` a spyglass, 
And pointing, says "`Ere, take a screw!" 

They looked to were `Ardy were pointing, 
And saw lots o` ships in a row. 
Joe says abrupt like but respectful, 
"`Oratio lad, yon`s the foe." 

`What say we attack `em?` says Nelson, 
Says Joe `Nay lad, not today.` 
And `Ardy says, `Aye, well let`s toss up.`
`Oratio answers `Okay.` 

They tossed… it were heads for attacking, 
And tails for t`other way `bout. 
Joe lent them his two-headed penny, 
So the answer was never in doubt. 

When penny came down `ead side uppards, 
They was in for a do it were plain, 
And Joe murmered `Shiver me timbers.` 
And Nelson kissed `Ardy again. 

And then, taking flags out o` locker,
`E strung out a message on high. 
`T were all about England and duty, 
Crew thought they was `ung out to dry.

They got the guns ready for action, 
And that gave `em trouble enough. 
They `adn`t been fired all the summer, 
And touch-holes were bunged up wi` fluff. 

Joe`s cannon, it weren`t `alf a corker, 
The cannon balls went three foot round. 
They wasn`t no toy balloons either, 
They weighed close on sixty-five pound. 

Joe, selecting two of the largest,
Was going to load double for luck. 
When a hot shot came in thro` the porthole, 
And a gunpowder barrel got struck. 

By gum! there weren`t `alf an explosion,
The gun crew were filled with alarm. 
As out of the porthole went Joseph, 
Wi` a cannon ball under each arm. 

At that moment up came the `Boat-swine`
He says `Where`s Joe?` Gunner replied… 
`E`s taken two cannon balls with `im, 
And gone for a breather outside.` 

`Do y` think he`ll be long?` said the `Boat-swine` 
The gunner replied, `If as `ow,
`E comes back as quick as `e left us,
`E should be `ere any time now. 

And all this time Joe, treading water, 
Was trying `is `ardest to float.
`E shouted thro` turmoil of battle, 
`Tell someone to lower a boat.` 

`E`d come to the top for assistance, 
Then down to the bottom he`d go;
This up and down kind of existence,
Made everyone laugh… except Joe. 

At last `e could stand it no longer, 
And next time `e came to the top.
`E said `If you don`t come and save me,
I`ll let these `ere cannon balls drop.` 

`T were Nelson at finish who saved him, 
And `e said Joe deserved the V.C. 
But finding `e `adn`t one `andy, 
`E gave Joe an egg for `is tea. 

And after the battle was over, 
And vessel was safely in dock.
The sailors all saved up their coupons, 
And bought Joe a nice marble clock.
Source
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