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Marriott Edgar - Albert And The `Eadsman
Work rating: Medium

On young Albert Ramsbottom`s birthday
His parents asked what he`d like most;
He said to see t` Tower of London
And gaze upon Anne Boleyn`s ghost.

They thowt this request were unusual
And at first to refuse were inclined,
`Til Pa said a trip t` metrollopse
Might broaden the little lad`s mind.

They took charrybank up to London
And got there at quarter to fower,
Then seeing as pubs wasn`t open
They went straight away to the tower.

They didn`t think much to the buildin`
`T weren`t what they`d been led to suppose,
And the `Bad Word` Tower didn`t impress them,
They said Blackpool had got one of those.

At last Albert found a Beefeater
And filled the old chap with alarm.
By asking for Ghost of Anne Boleyn
As carried her `ead `neath her arm.

Said Beefeater `You ought to come Fridays
If it`s ghost of Anne Boleyn you seek,
Her union now limits her output
And she only gets one walk a week.

`But,` he said, `if it`s ghosts that you`re after,
There`s Lady Jane Grey`s to be seen,
She runs around chased by the `Eadsman
At midnight on th` old Tower Green.`

They waited on t` green till near midnight,
Then thinking they`d time for a sup,
They took out what food they`d brought with them
And waited for t` ghost to turn up.

On the first stroke of twelve, up jumped Albert,
His mouth full of cold, dripping toast,
With his stick with the `orses `ead `andle
He pointed, and said `Here`s the ghost!`

They felt their skins going all goosey
As Lady Jane`s Spectre drew near
And Albert fair swallered his tonsils
When the `Eadsman an` all did appear.

The `Eadsman chased Jane round the grass patch
They saw his axe flash in the moon
And seeing as poor lass were `eadless
They wondered what what next he would prune.

He suddenly caught sight of Albert
As midnight was on its last chime
As he lifted his axe, father murmered
`We`ll get the insurance this time.`

At that, Mother rose, taking umbridge;
She said, `Put that cleaver away.
You`re not cutting our Albert`s `ead off,
Yon collar were clean on today.

The brave little lad stood undaunted
`Til the ghost were within half a pace.
Then taking the toast he were eating,
Slapped it, dripping side down, in his face.

`T were a proper set-back for the `Eadsman
He let out one `owl of despair,
Then taking his ladyfriend with him
He disappeared - just like that, there.

When Pa saw the way as they vanished
He trembled with fear and looked blue,
`Til Ma went and patted his shoulder
An` said, `Sallright lad, we saw it too.`

Some say `twere the drippin` as done it,
From a roast leg of mutton it came,
And as th` `Eadsman had been a Beefeater
They reckon he vanished from shame.

And around Tower Green, from that moment,
They`ve ne`re seen a sign of the ghost,
But when t` Beefeaters go on night duty,
They take slices of cold drippin` toast.
Source
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