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Marriott Edgar - Albert`s ReturnMarriott Edgar - Albert`s Return
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You`ve `eard `ow young Albert Ramsbottom At the zoo up at Blackpool one year With a stick with an `orse`s `ead `andle Gave a lion a poke in the ear? The name of the lion was Wallace, The poke in the ear made `im wild And before you could say "Bob`s yer uncle" E`d upped and `e`d swallowed the child. `E were sorry the moment `e done it; With children `e`d always been chums, And besides, `e`d no teeth in his muzzle, And `e couldn`t chew Albert on`t gums. `E could feel the lad movin` inside `im As `e lay on `is bed of dried ferns; And it might `ave been little lad`s birthday- E wished `im such `appy returns. But Albert kept kickin` and fightin`- And Wallace got up, feelin` bad. Decided `twere time that `e started To stage a comeback for the lad. Then puttin` `ead down in one corner, On `is front paws `e started to walk; And `e coughed, and `e sneezed, and `e gargled `Till Albert shot out - like a cork! Now Wallace felt better directly And `is figure once more became lean. But the only difference with Albert Was, `is face and `is `ands were quite clean. Meanwhile Mr. and Mrs. Ramsbottom `Ad gone back to their tea, feelin` blue. Ma said, "I feel down in the mouth, like. " Pa said, "Aye, I bet Albert does, too." Said Mother, "It just goes to show yer That the future is never revealed; If I`d thowt we was goin` to lose `im, I`d `ave not `ad `is boots soled and `eeled." "Let`s look on the bright side," said Father, "Wot can`t be `elped must be endured; Each cloud `as a silvery lining, And we did `ave young Albert insured." A knock on the door came that moment As Father these kind words did speak. `Twas the man from Prudential - `e`d come for Their tuppence per person per week. When Father saw `oo `ad been knockin`, `E laughed, and `e kept laughin` so - The man said "`Ere, wot`s there to laugh at?" Pa said "You`ll laugh and all when you know!" "Excuse `im for laughing," said Mother, "But really, things `appen so strange - Our Albert`s been et by a lion; You`ve got to pay us for a change!" Said the young man from the Prudential: "Now, come, come, let`s understand this- You don`t mean to say that you`ve lost `im?" Pa said "Oh, no, we know where `e is!" When the young man `ad `eard all the details, A purse from `is pocket he drew And `e paid them with interest and bonus The sum of nine pounds, four and two. Pa `ad scarce got `is `and on the money When a face at the window they see- And Mother cried "Eee, look, it`s Albert!" And Father said "Aye, it would be." Albert came in all excited, And started `is story to give; And Pa said "I`ll never trust lions Again, not as long as I live." The young man from the Prudential To pick up the money began But Father said "`ere, wait a moment, Don`t be in a `urry, young man." Then giving young Albert a shilling, `E said "`Ere, pop off back to the zoo; Get your stick with the `orse`s `ead `andle- Go and see wot the tigers can do!"
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