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Marriott Edgar - The Battle Of Hastings
Work rating: Medium

I`ll tell of the Battle of Hastings, 
As happened in days long gone by,
When Duke William became King of England, 
And `Arold got shot in the eye.

It were this way - one day in October 
The Duke, who were always a toff
Having no battles on at the moment, 
Had given his lads a day off.

They`d all taken boats to go fishing, 
When some chap in t` Conqueror`s ear
Said `Let`s go and put breeze up the Saxons;` 
Said Bill - `By gum, that`s an idea.`

Then turning around to his soldiers, 
He lifted his big Norman voice,
Shouting - `Hands up who`s coming to England.` 
That was swank `cos they hadn`t no choice.

They started away about tea-time - 
The sea was so calm and so still,
And at quarter to ten the next morning 
They arrived at a place called Bexhill.

King `Arold came up as they landed - 
His face full of venom and `ate - 
He said `lf you`ve come for Regatta 
You`ve got here just six weeks too late.`

At this William rose, cool but `aughty, 
And said `Give us none of your cheek;
You`d best have your throne re-upholstered, 
I`ll be wanting to use it next week.`

When `Arold heard this `ere defiance, 
With rage he turned purple and blue,
And shouted some rude words in Saxon, 
To which William answered - `And you.`

`Twere a beautiful day for a battle; 
The Normans set off with a will,
And when both sides was duly assembled, 
They tossed for the top of the hill.

King `Arold he won the advantage, 
On the hill-top he took up his stand,
With his knaves and his cads all around him, 
On his `orse with his `awk in his `and.

The Normans had nowt in their favour, 
Their chance of a victory seemed small,
For the slope of the field were against them, 
And the wind in their faces an` all.

The kick-off were sharp at two-thirty, 
And soon as the whistle had went
Both sides started banging each other 
`Til the swineherds could hear them in Kent.

The Saxons had best line of forwards, 
Well armed both with buckler and sword - 
But the Normans had best combination, 
And when half-time came neither had scored.

So the Duke called his cohorts together 
And said - `Let`s pretend that we`re beat,
Once we get Saxons down on the level 
We`ll cut off their means of retreat.`

So they ran - and the Saxons ran after, 
Just exactly as William had planned,
Leaving `Arold alone on the hill-top 
On his `orse with his `awk in his `and.

When the Conqueror saw what had happened, 
A bow and an arrow he drew;
He went right up to `Arold and shot him. 
He were off-side, but what could they do?

The Normans turned round in a fury, 
And gave back both parry and thrust,
Till the fight were all over bar shouting, 
And you couldn`t see Saxons for dust.

And after the battle were over 
They found `Arold so stately and grand,
Sitting there with an eye-full of arrow 
On his `orse with his `awk in his `and.
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