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Sidney Lanier - Nine from Eight
Work rating: Low

I was drivin` my two-mule waggin,
With a lot o` truck for sale,
Towards Macon, to git some baggin`
(Which my cotton was ready to bale),
And I come to a place on the side o` the pike
Whar a peert little winter branch jest had throw`d
The sand in a kind of a sand-bar like,
And I seed, a leetle ways up the road,
A man squattin` down, like a big bull-toad,
On the ground, a-figgerin` thar in the sand
With his finger, and motionin` with his hand,
   And he looked like Ellick Garry.
And as I driv up, I heerd him bleat
To hisself, like a lamb:  "Hauh? nine from eight
   Leaves nuthin` — and none to carry?"

And Ellick`s bull-cart was standin`
A cross-wise of the way,
And the little bull was a-expandin`,
Hisself on a wisp of hay.
But Ellick he sat with his head bent down,
A-studyin` and musin` powerfully,
And his forrud was creased with a turrible frown,
And he was a-wurken` appearently
A `rethmetic sum that wouldn`t gee,
Fur he kep` on figgerin` away in the sand
With his finger, and motionin` with his hand,
   And I seed it WAS Ellick Garry.
And agin I heard him softly bleat
To hisself, like a lamb:  "Hauh? nine from eight
   Leaves nuthin` — and none to carry!"

I woa`d my mules mighty easy
(Ellick`s back was towards the road
And the wind hit was sorter breezy)
And I got down off`n my load,
And I crep` up close to Ellick`s back,
And I heerd him a-talkin` softly, thus:
"Them figgers is got me under the hack.
I caint see how to git out`n the muss,
Except to jest nat`ally fail and bus`!
My crap-leen calls for nine hundred and more.
My counts o` sales is eight hundred and four,
   Of cotton for Ellick Garry.
Thar`s eight, ought, four, jest like on a slate:
Here`s nine and two oughts —  Hauh? nine from eight
   Leaves nuthin` — and none to carry.

"Them crap-leens, oh, them crap-leens!
I giv one to Pardman and Sharks.
Hit gobbled me up like snap-beans
In a patch full o` old fiel`-larks.
But I thought I could fool the crap-leen nice,
And I hauled my cotton to Jammel and Cones.
But shuh! `fore I even had settled my price
They tuck affidavy without no bones
And levelled upon me fur all ther loans
To the `mount of sum nine hundred dollars or more,
And sold me out clean for eight hundred and four,
   As sure as I`m Ellick Garry!
And thar it is down all squar and straight,
But I can`t make it gee, fur nine from eight
   Leaves nuthin` — and none to carry."

Then I says "Hello, here, Garry!
However you star` and frown
Thare`s somethin` fur YOU to carry,
Fur you`ve worked it upside down!"
Then he riz and walked to his little bull-cart,
And made like he neither had seen nor heerd
Nor knowed that I knowed of his raskilly part,
And he tried to look as if HE wa`nt feared,
And gathered his lines like he never keered,
And he driv down the road `bout a quarter or so,
And then looked around, and I hollered "Hello,
   Look here, Mister Ellick Garry!
You may git up soon and lie down late,
But you`ll always find that nine from eight
   Leaves nuthin` — and none to carry."
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