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Jessie Pope - A Muff
Work rating: Low

I wanted a muff 
On an up-to-date scale, 
Of some soft fluffy stuff, 
With a head and a tail; 
So simple and innocent-hearted 
I started to go to a sale. 

My muscles are tough, 
I`m not sickly or pale; 
But that shop was enough 
To make ‘Hercules’ quail. 
The ladies were snatching and gripping, 
Each using her arm like a flail. 

My passage was rough 
And as slow as a snail. 
In attempting to luff 
I was pinned to a bale, 
And asked "to mind where I was pushing”
By a frowsy and frenzied female. 

They ruined my ruff 
And twitched off my veil; 
The shopman was bluff 
When I told him my tale, 
And I vowed the next time I played football 
I would wear a costume of chain mail. 

I went home in a huff, 
Looking feeble and frail, 
Still minus a muff 
With a head and a tail 
But my brother politely informed me 
I was one, to go to a sale.
Source
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