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C J Dennis - Ideal And Aftermath
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I wed him because he looked nice (said she)
   And I feared to be left on the shelf.
For I wouldn`t take mother`s advice (said she),
   So I`ve no one to blame but myself.
My friends always said that he had a flat head
   And a curious cranial kink;
But I feel `neath the spell of his lovely marcel . . . 
   Now he`s bald, and he`s taken to drink.

I wed him because he looked slim (said she)
   And athletic and noble and brave.
I thought there was no one like him (said she),
   For he really knew how to behave.
Now he`s humble and meek, and, whenever I speak,
   He cringes and crawls like a tyke.
Tho` bay-windowed in front, he`s the soul of a runt;
   And I bully him just as I like.

I wed him because he looked sweet (said she),
   Of manhood my very ideal.
I thought that my bliss was complete (said she);
   I could hardly believe he was real.
But he`s real right enough; tho` not quite of the stuff
   I`d imagined the day I said "Yes";
But I hardly mind that, tho` he`s bald and he`s fat
   And slovenly, too, in his dress.

I wed him for better or worse (said she)
   When with love I was slightly insane.
But there`s ne`er a regret that I nurse (said she),
   For I`ve really small cause to complain.
For I`m fifty and fat, and my arches are flat,
   And I grumble and fidget and fuss.
Yet he thought me, he said a dream child when we wed.
   So it`s just fifty-fifty with us.
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