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C J Dennis - The Gloomy Victorian
Work rating: Low

Where is this glum Victorian --
   This man of mien forlorn --
Fit but for some historian 
   To heap with heavy scorn?
I`ve sought him up an down the street
   Thro` labyrinthine ways,
Wherever men and maidens meet;
By road or rail, or on two feet
   I`ve searched for him for days.
I`ve looked for him where business cares
   Weigh down on every rank,
Seeking to catch him unawares
In tears upon the office stairs;
   Yet ever drew a blank
I`ve sought him in the hinterland
   On Sunny Saturdays.
He smiled a while and waved his hand
   Amid his draughts and drays,
And said, "Excuse me: I must catch
This bus to see a football match,"
   And gaily went his ways. 
In palaces and picture shows
Where e`er a soul for solace goes
I`ve hunted him; and goodness knows
   He seemed too gay by half;
And neither consciousness of sin
Nor sorrow kept his gladness in;
For, truth to tell, his silly grin
   Fled only for a laugh.

Where is this glum Victorian --
   Man of the brooding eye?
His story, tho` a hoary `un
   I`ve failed to verify.
I`ve sought him on the sandy beach,
Mid shining sheik and perfect peach;
   But he was never there.
I`ve sought him in the gleaming bush
Mid many a merry hiking push,
   And moaned in my despair.
I`ve sought him him on the sunlit course
Doing his dough on some slow horse,
   And glimpsed a gloomy note.
But swiftly, moved by some queer force,
He grinned, and backed without remorse
   Another hairy goat ....
Then hopeless, haggard and distraught,
   I met a ragged man
And pitifullyhim besought
To tell me where he might be caught,
   This glum Victorian.
He looked me up, he looked me down
And, tho` he seemed a sorry clown,
A merry smile replaced his frown
   As thus to me he spoke:
"So far, I ain`t met such `tis true,"
Said he; "but, by the looks of you,
   I reckon you`re the bloke."
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