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C J Dennis - The Defence
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Not guilty, yer Honers!  I talks to yer straight!
   An` I calls it a pretty crook game -
An` an `og of a thing, if the coppers should bring
   Such dishonor as this on me name -
On me name that `as stood fer up`oldin` the good!
   It`s enough to make any bloke weep!
An` the goods as they says I received - spare me days!
   Don`t I tell yer I bought `em dirt cheap!


Yes, I bought `em dirt cheap; an` I says to the Bench,
   As a man `oo acts honest an` square,
That me solid defence is poun`s, shillin`s an` pence,
   An` I arsts yer to deal with me fair.
Fer it`s more than a joke when a square-livin` bloke
   Is `ad up fer committin` a crime;
Fer the JOHN, `ere, `e swears to the goods, an` declares
   As I knoo they was pinched at the time.


But, gentlemen, listen, I bought `em dirt cheap!
   As the bloke `ere, who sold `em kin swear.
But they say `e was crook, an` the goods that `e took
   Wasn`t got, so to speak, on the square.
Well, per`aps that`s all true, an` they ses that I knoo
   They wus pinched when I made `im the bid.
It `ud be a fair sin fer to miss that chuck in;
   So I arsts: Wot`s the odds if I did?


`Ere`s the Cop ses I`m charged with receivin` the goods,
   As I bloomin` well knoo to be stole;
But then that isn`t stealin` meself, an` I feel
   As I orn`t to be in this `ole.
Fer I never stole things in me life, an` I brings
   Twenty witnesses `ere fer to say
That in all er me days I `ave allus earned praise
   Fer up`oldin` the straight, honest way.


Yus, I allus `ave preached that to steal wus a sin,
   An` I never pinched things in me life;
An` I brings up me kids as strict honesty bids,
   An` I gotter respectable wife.
I am known in our street as a man `ard to beat
   At comdemnin` all thievin` an` crime;
An` there`s clergymen `ere as is ready to clear
   Up me character every time.


So, yer Honers, I arsts to be cleared o` the charge;
   An` I think yet should say, at the time,
Me respectable name is quite free frum all blame
   In connection with thievin` an` crime.
Fer me great repitation`s at stake, in a way;
   It`s a thing as I`m anxious ter keep;
Fer I never been once in the - Wot`s that?
               SIX MUNCE!
   But, yer Honers, I got them things cheap!
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