---

C J Dennis - The Merry Sportsmen
Work rating: Low

`Arry an` me is bits of sports;
   When the summer comes around
We gits our sweaters an` guns an` shorts
   An` we seeks out `untin` ground.
Tennis an` `ikin` we reckons tame;
   So we shuns the cissy push
An` goes in more for a `e-man sport
   Shootin`, out in the bush.

Week-end `fore last we `ad some fun --
   Close up to a record day;
For a real good bag fell to each gun --
   Pea-rific, that`s to say.
But the gem of it all was that darn fool bird
   I got while `e`s `avin` a barf
At the edge of a pool.  `E looked absurd.
   Chee!  `Arry an` me did larf!

By lunch I`d potted a decent bag:
   Three parrots, a thrush an` a jack,
An` `Arry, two wrens an` a lark an` a mag.
   Then we camps at a creek near the track;
When up comes a coot in a rig absurd
   Wot talks like some bug-`untin` fool.
But `Arry sez, "`Ist!"  An` `e points to a bird
   Wot is `avin` a barf at a pool.

"Wot a charmin` pitcher!" this strange bloke said,
   But I ups with me gun in a jiff
An`, jist as the dicky-bird`s duckin` `is `ead,
   I skittles the beggar stiff.
Well, you should `a` seen `ow this strange bloke gapes:
   Lip like a motherless colt.
An` eyes stickin` out like a couple o` grapes.
   Chee!  `Arry an` me did larf!

`E goggles a bit, then `e goes orf pop,
   But we`re two to `is one, so we smiles.
Then he threatens to give us in charge to a cop.
   Fat chance!  There ain`t one in miles!
Red robin it was.  If you only `ad seen!
   Real trustful-like, `avin` `is barf,
When -- Plunk!  An` `is blood spurts over the green.
   Chee!  Arry an` me did larf!

I can`t stop larfin` whenever I think
   Of that comedy there by the creek.
Singin` robin `e was with a breast all pink.
   (We are goin` again nex` week.)
There `e was, splashin` all over the place,
   When I darn near blows `im in `arf.
An` if you`d saw the look on that strange cove`s face!
   Chee!  `Arry an` me did larf!
Source
The script ran 0.001 seconds.