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C J Dennis - The Faithless Fantods
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Bill Barcoo was a station `and - `e was a station `and,
   And grafted all the year like Pharaoh`s Jews.
But all `is pay, I grieve ter say, `e blewed - you understand -
               This station `and
   Was drinky in his views;
   An` `e was wont ter lash it up on booze.

Fer Bill `e wandered once a year - exactly once a year -
   Ter bust his cheque at Casey`s Bush `Otel;
An` drank the stuff - more than enough - that Casey sed wus beer.
               An` it wus queer:
   When `e wus on a spell
   `E used to `old `is sides an` larf like `ell.

No doubt yer`ve `eard of Casey`s beer - of Casey`s fightin` beer,
   An` Casey`s Three Star Blue Gum Brandy too,
The stuff that makes the crimson snakes when you get on yer ear.
               Such visions queer
   Were known ter quite a few;
   That`s why they called the shanty "Casey`s Zoo."

Large purple frogs that sat an` croaked - jes` looked at yer an` croaked,
   Goanners, snakes and spiders without end,
An` sich weird sights distrurbed the nights of such poor bushman bloke
               As `as a soak
   In Casey`s famous blend -
   In Casey`s fierce an` famous Bushman`s Friend.

But, once a year, Bill struck the spot - `e blithely struck the spot,
   An` slung across the bar `is `ard-earned cheque;
Then started in to bust `is tin an` make things fairly `ot
              Until `e got
   Fair loaded to the neck;
   An` then Bill looked a proper sort er wreck.

Then `e begun to see the Zoo - ter gaze at Casey`s Zoo.
   But with the jims and fantods that `e seen
`E made quite free.  "Fer,why," sez `e, "I never see but two,
               An` one is blue,
   An` t`other`s sort er green.
   They`re jes` the same `ere ev`ry time I`ve been."

They wus jes` like ole pals to `im - like lifelong fren`s to `im.
   `E looked to meet `em ev`ry time `e came
Ses `e, "The blue un`s christened Sue; she`s uppish-like an` prim;
            But t`other, Jim,
   `E`ll answer to `is name,
   An` feed out of yer `and, `e is that tame."

One time when Bill was on the spree - a real ole rorty spree -
   `E larfed the `ole blame time till `e wus thro`.
We wonders wot noo sort `e`d got, `e wus so full er glee.
               "You oughter see!"
   Ses `e, when `e come to.
  "Why, blowed if my ole Jim ain`t courtin` Sue!"

Bill `ad but one spree after that - just one more after that.
   An` sich another sight I`d grieve ter see,
`E cursed, an` swore, an` raved, an` tore `is `air an` foamed, an` spat.
               It knocked us flat,
   Fer generally `e,
   When on a jag, was merry as could be.

An` after that Bill guv up drink - yes, fairly chucked the drink.
   But why, ther` wasn`t one among us knoo.
"O, struth!" ses Bill, "I`ve `ad me fill, and so `ud you, I think -
               O, strike me pink!
   They once wus green an` blue;
   But now ther`s yaller, red an` purple too!"

But one day Bill `e chats ter me - in conferdence ter me.
   "Yer know," ses `e, "that Jim was courtin` Sue.
`Twas quite a joke ter see that bloke; but, spare me days! - if she
               Did not agree!
   An` they got married too!
   Got hitched up quiet, an` I never knoo!

"I never knoo till my next spree - till my next yearly spree,
   An` then, fust thing - the flamin` quadrupids! -
I learned them two - my Jim and Sue - was spliced, with twenty-three
               In familee!
   An`, spare me days! SUCH KIDS!
   I wouldn`t `ave another drink fer quids!
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