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C J Dennis - The Disagreeable Musician
Work rating: Low

`E wouldn`t play the flute; the sulky cow.
   An`, after all the trouble that we took
To try an` cheer,`is spirits up some`ow,
   `E jes` sat there an` slung a glarsy look
To orl the crowd.  The diserbligin` coot!
`E wouldn`t play the flute.


After we`d done our gilt in on the spread -
   Fish from the Dago joint, an` bottled beer,
An` froot, an` `am, an` saverloys an` bread -
   `E wouldn`t eat.  Jes` shook `is silly `ead.
An` though we begged `im for some choonful toot,
`E wouldn`t play the flute.


I puts it to yeh: Wuz we actin` fair?
   Wot more could neighbors do to cheer a bloke?
We knoo they `e `ad troubles fer to bear,
   An` jes called in to `ave a friendly joke.
An`, though we tempted `im with `am an` froot,
`E wouldn`t play the flute.


There wuz Flash Liz, an` me, an` Ginger Mick.
   An` Mother Gumphy frum the corner store.
An` Bill the Rabbit-o, an` Dirty Dick,
   An` Nan the Nark, an` `arf a dozzing more.
But strike!  It seemed the comp`ny didn`t soot!
`E wouldn`t play the flute.


I want yer dead straight griffen.  Wuz we right?
   Wuz it unneighborly to look `im up
An` `ave a little beano on the quite?....
   Fer Grief an` `im wuz cobbers on that night.
But there `e sat, like `s if `e`d taken root,
An` wouldn`t play the flute.


We sung a song er two to give `im `eart,
   `An` jes` to show yeh wot a nark `e wuz,
`E wouldn`t sing. `E wouldn`t take no part.
   `E wouldn`t eat no matter wot we does.
`E wouldn`t drink, `e wouldn`t touch the froot.
Or play `is flamin` flute.


A blimed wet blankit at our little feast.
   Thet`s wot `e wuz.  `E jes sat there an` stared
Straight out afore `im. Wouldn`t take the least
   Account o` wot we did. `E`d never cared
If we wuz rooned wif buyin` fish an` froot.
`E wouldn`t play the flute.


Aw, it wuz crook!  I swear I never seen
   So mean a coot.  An` `e could play a treat -
Play like a blinded angel, for `e`d been
   A star pufformer - played afore the Queen!
An`, though `e knoo we knoo of `is repute,
`E wouldn`t play the flute.


We knoo `e`d been a bonzer in `is day
   Afore `e struck the slum in Scrooge`s Lane.
I`ve orfen `eard it said `e useter play
   In some swell orchestrer fer fancy pay.
An` there `e sat, in `is ole shabby soot,
An` wouldn`t play the flute.


We knoo `e`d struck tough luck an` drifted down -
   `Im an` `is missis - till they come to live
On `arf o` nothink in our part o` town.
   It weren`t no fault of ours that they wuz driv
Frum bad to worse, till they wuz destichoot.
`E wouldn`t play the flute.


`E wouldn`t play.  Jes shook `is silly `ead.
   We done our best to cheer `im, fer we knoo
`Is wife wuz lyin` in the nex` room, dead.
   Died `cause of sooicide, the neighbors said.
But, spite of all we done, the selfish brute,
`E wouldn`t play the flute.
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