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C J Dennis - The Liberal Constitution
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          Jack Sprat would eat no fat,
             His wife would eat no lean,
          And so, betwixt them both, you see,
             They licked the platter clean.
                          - Old nursery rhyme

Gentlemen, I`d like to mention, with your very kind attention,
   One important point I wish you all to know;
We`ve a policy extensive and extremely comprehensive -
          Me an` Joe.
As a fact, `tis all-embracing, just to put the matter flat;
Therefore, where`s the need to mention that we favor "this" or "that"? 


Quite unlike the other party, we`re so vigorous and hearty,
   We can thrive on any diet, high or low.
And, if you decide to follow us, just notice what we swallow -
          Me an` Joe.
It is hardly worth while mentioning what Joseph can`t digest,
And, when he has picked his dishes, I, with ease, absorb the rest.


While other folks are musing o`er the menu, picking, choosing,
   In a fashion most fastidious and slow,
At embracing or surrounding - all the meal we are astounding -
          Me an` Joe.
As an economic method it admits no ifs or buts;
For we clean up all the courses from the oysters to the nuts.


Legislative indigestion in regard to any question
   Marks the party whose vitality is low;
Weaklings in the estimation of that sturdy combination,
          Me an` Joe.
For the food that is politically poisonous to me
Joe takes with relish, while - well, vice versa don`t you see.


I can take, with little trouble, foods political that double
   Joseph up, upon the floor, in direst woe;
But they all declare, who`ve seen us, we`re omnivorous between us -
          Me an` Joe.
Joseph`s fond of food imported with a dash of Tory sauce;
I love fare more democratic and Australian grown, of course.


Thus, observe, in fiscal matters we contrive to clean the platters.
   `Tis surprising how we make the viands go!
With our dual constitution we can do great execution -
          Me an` Joe.
And the others of our party have such varied appetites
That there`s really very little left to feed the cat o` nights.


For, the others at the table, watching us, are quickly able
   To elect the food they fancy most - although
Some they find it hard to swallow in their brave attempts to follow
          Me an` Joe.
Then a little Argus Syrup or some "Mother `Eralds Pills"
Are most useful in averting any gastronomic ills.


Gentlemen, `twould only weary you to state in manner dreary,
   That we favor "this," or "that," or "so-and-so,"
When, as you well know who`ve seen us, we can scoff the lot between us -
          Me an` Joe.
And I warn you to be careful of that legislative group
Which has appetite for nothing but mere Democratic soup.


Such dyspeptic politicians are not fit for their positions;
   They are weak and puny creatures: let them go;
And, whatever you adhere to, you can bet your cause is dear to
          Me - or Joe.
For our iron constitution is a thing to marvel at,
And, when we `ave dined, as I have said, there`s little for the cat.
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