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C J Dennis - Kids!
Work rating: Low

         Kids!
Hundreds of `em for the farmer! Kids of an imported brand;
Thousands of `em for the country!  Lo, the man upon the land
         Bids
Loud for England`s surplus youngster - five whole bob a week, `tis said;
And their value to the nation stands at many pounds a head.
      But the nation never riz `em.
      That "would tend to Socialism";
So we have to fetch `em over from the country where they`re bred.

         Kids!
Send us kids from good old Britain - sons of men who won`t be slaves -
From the land where countless paupers seek dishonorable graves
         Quids!
We`re prepared to offer for them.  Ship them out across the deep,
From that dear old Freetrade country where the cost of labor`s cheap.
      While, of our unmarried workers -
      (Married men are costly shirkers)
We will take a meagre hundred at a pound a week and keep.

         Kids?
We can`t raise `em in Australia, where employers by the score
For the bloke without a missus in the labor depôts roar
         Bids.
Ship `em out!  The noble farmer yearns to mould their bright young lives.
Ship `em young that for a dozen years they may not seek for wives.
      When they think of getting married
      Maybe they`ll regret they tarried
Where the kid-encumbered worker vainly for a billet strives.

         Kids?
We don`t want `em when they`re babies, for their raisin` costs a heap.
We don`t want `em when they`re married, with their own young broods to keep.
         Skids
And brakes upon the wheels of progress are such futile folk.  Just look
At the bob advertisement.  You`ll see their chance of work is "crook."
      Ship `em out in handy sizes
      For the cove that advertises
For the unencumbered couple - " Man to milk and wife to cook."

         Kids?
Spare our days!  Why should we raise `em? We can get `em ready-made
From a land where there`s a surplus, thanks to good old BULL`s Freetrade.
         Quids
It will save the careful farmer.  He can give his man the sack -
Costly man who owns a missus and a child or two to whack.
      Ship `em out, he`s yearnin` for `em;
      While they`re young he`ll just adore `em
Then, when they grow up and marry, someone else can ship `em back.

         Ships
Pass in with cheap boy labor - "badly needed farming hand";
Shps pass out with young Australians seeking work in other lands.
         Hips
Hurrahs! are loudly sounded for the patriotic bloke -
He who perpetrated this unseemly emigration joke.
      Cheers for him who brings the kiddy
      To a job that`s sure and "stiddy"!
It will balance the outgoing of our workless married folk.

         Kids!!
Lo, we want them - want them badly!  There is none denies the fact -
Kids to populate the country.  And behold, our noble act
         Rids
England of her surplus toilers - we can do with quite a heap.
We can`t breed them in the country - boys to plough and boys to reap.
      And who says it is surprising
      When we`re daily advertising
For a hundred men - unmarried - at a pound a week and keep.
Source
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